Dirty Thoughts - Megan Erickson Page 0,88
cast. “Unless you don’t want me here. Then I’ll leave.”
He thought about life if Asher left. No more brownies. No more bath mats ruined from hair dye. No more John Hughes movie marathons.
Just . . . nothing. Nothing but him and his beer and his recliner and his job. He’d be able to work on motorcycles, but that goal didn’t seem so amazing anymore when he didn’t have anyone to share it with.
Fuck, he’d been an idiot.
He wasn’t tapped out. The reserve was there, always there, and it was constantly replenished by his own family. By Asher.
By Jenna.
Cal took a step forward and hugged the kid. “Of course I want you. If it’s okay with your mom, then you can stay.”
When they broke apart and looked down at Jill, there were tears in her eyes. “Of course I want you to be happy, Asher. And if that’s here, then that’s where you’ll stay.”
Asher fist-pumped his cast in the air. Cal had to walk away. He needed some alone time, so he continued out the back door and shut it firmly behind him. He stood on his deck and stared at the tree line, his fingers itching for a smoke. But he knew he wouldn’t pick one up again.
The door behind him opened and closed. Brent braced his hands on the railing, eyes on the skyline.
“You made the right decision about the kid,” Brent said after a long moment of silence.
Cal picked at a loose nail on the railing. “Do you think I’m like Dad?” he blurted.
Brent turned to him, eyebrows raised. “What?”
“You know, stubborn. Set in my ways. That kind of thing.”
Brent blinked. “Yes.”
“Yes? No hesitation or explanation, just yes?”
Brent turned and leaned his hip on the railing, turning his body to face Cal. “I’m not gonna lie. The only time in the last ten years you haven’t acted like Dad is when you were with Jenna. Then you fucked that up somehow, like the moron you are, and now you’re Jack 2.0 all over again.”
“Shit.”
“I don’t get it. Honestly. You didn’t punch Dylan. You told me she didn’t believe you did. So how the hell she isn’t here, or in your bed, or living in your house like she’d practically been for the last month is a mystery.”
“I told her I didn’t have anything else to give. I was tapped out, drained dry. I got you and Max and Dad and Asher, and that takes up all my energy. I like my iron circle. I can handle what happens in it, so I don’t have to deal with things out of my control.”
“Out of your control?”
“With Jenna and her brother. And then Asher in the hospital. I hate how this all makes me feel. It hurts, Brent. It hurts like hell.”
Brent’s eyebrows were dipped, his lips pressed in a thin line. He stood close to Cal, so close that Cal had to crane his neck to look up at him. Brent ran his tongue over his teeth before he spoke. “It’s okay that it hurts. Fuck, man, so you feel shit? That’s what makes you human. If you don’t feel pain, then you don’t feel the opposite either.”
The opposite of pain.
Jenna’s laughter in his ear. Her head on his bare chest, hair tickling his skin. Kissing her while she squirmed in his lap. Holding her hand in his truck.
Brent’s hand rested on his shoulder. “This last month, it kinda felt like I got my brother back, the one I used to have.”
Laughing at Brent’s singing at the garage. Playing video games while Brent narrated in different voices. Drinking beer on his deck.
But this pain right now . . . it fucking hurt. Was it all worth it? Cal squeezed his eyes shut as Brent’s palm warmed his skin.
“I know it’s hard to care, Cal. I fucking know. But where would Max and I be if you didn’t? Where would Asher be? And where would you be?”
Cal’s world was tilting. As soon as he thought he had it down on lock, someone took a finger and spun the globe, and everything was a blur all over again.
Brent sighed. “You have more to give. You always will, Cal. That’s who you are. You thought you were done before Asher showed up, and you dug deep and gave that kid everything you had. So maybe Jenna took that bullshit that you’re done, but I don’t. You’re not. You’ll never be.”
The blur was slowing down. Cal was able to focus again, and when