Before I can respond, he takes me by the hand and pulls me toward the door.
We walk past the fountains in Grant Park, the skyline all around us. I’m starting to wonder if Rick likes walks through the parks, or if this is something new for him now that we’re together. I don’t mind it at all. It’s gorgeous outside, and I love the buildings in the backdrop. It’s romantic. I’d be happy walking anywhere with him holding my hand.
I really want him to take me home, or to his place. It’s a biological urge, hormones and all that, but there’s something deeper to this too. At the same time, I still want to know more about him. I want to know he’s not afraid to open up to me. If he only knew how bad I need him to take that final step. I don’t just want it for me, either. It’s the one thing holding him back from getting everything he wants, to easing that pain inside him.
I can literally see it on his face, in his actions, feel it in his soul.
We stop in front of the water fountains and stare at the water splashing around. Rick’s hand threads into mine and our fingers intertwine. Just his touch sets off a chemical reaction inside me, makes me want to forget about all the things I’m worried about.
“I know.” It’s all he says, as if he can read every thought in my mind.
“Know what?”
“How much you’ve given me, and how little I’ve given in return.” He turns so we’re eye-to-eye.
I don’t know how he does it, but I think he feels all the turmoil inside me, the same way I feel it in him. I look up, and he’s so vulnerable, so in the moment. He’s attuned to my needs and knows what I want from him, but he’s just afraid to give it. I know it.
I know I made all these bold statements in my head about making him do it, then retracted. He makes me a crazy mess. I had purpose, intent, reasons for everything I did before him, and he’s knocked my world off its axis. But now that I have it, I don’t want to lose it. I want him no matter what, no matter how unsure he makes me of everything, despite how scared I am with every step forward. “I don’t want to force you.”
He hugs me, pulls me close to his chest, and his hand smooths down the back of my hair. I want to just melt into him, forget the rest of the world, any problems, and tell him whatever he needs to hear to keep him holding me forever.
“I know you don’t. I don’t want to make you force it out of me, and I know it’s going to happen soon. It’s all—complicated.”
I don’t respond, and I shouldn’t have to tell him he can trust me. He should know that already. Do I need to reassure him?
His arms tighten around me and I bury my face in his shoulder. I feel a slight tremble in his arms, and he inhales a deep breath, and his body tenses.
He’s so close. He just wants to let go of everything and put it all out there. I can feel it in my core.
He pulls me back, so our eyes are a few inches apart, and I can see it in his eyes. This is the moment. He’s so scared, but he’s finally going to let me see the real him. He’s about to reveal himself to me.
“Mary, I…” He stops his sentence as another couple seemingly materializes out of nowhere and walks right up next to us.
Rick sees them and immediately the armor comes back up. He retreats back into his shell.
I find myself wanting to verbally lash out at the people next to us, even though they have no idea what’s happening. I have to bite my tongue as the heat radiates up my neck and into my face.
That was it. He was right there, about to open up. I could see it in his eyes, feel it in his stare. That was my moment for honesty and they ruined it.
Rick takes me by the hand, glares at the couple, then pulls me toward a trail that runs back around some landscaping. Once we’re there, he starts to lead me behind some trees and bushes, back to a dark, secluded area.