my skin and warmed my soul. As much as I’d tried to say I cared about him, or that I thought I could feel, the same I was still holding back. My heart longed for him with a throbbing ache, but my mind lashed out.
“Should we get going?” Arrick asked.
He’d started the engine and put the car in gear before I’d even given him an answer. I knew I’d taken too long to answer, but what could I say? I knew that I kept going back and forth with him on my emotions. I knew my anger was getting out of control, but it was so hard to admit I was wrong. The only thing I could do was try to learn from those mistakes and move forward.
It was silly to have driven the few houses down the street that it took to get to Liz’s house, but I needed the privacy and the time to collect myself. Arrick was right, I had to try and allow myself to open up. No matter how afraid I was, I had to try. I might have thought I was protecting myself, but in reality I was causing more harm to everyone around me. That revelation, of course, made me feel worse about myself, but I was willing to accept the truth of it. I had become a walking, talking hypocrite. I would fight, bleed, and die for those I cared about; but I wasn’t willing to let them into my heart completely for fear of losing them. The more I thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense.
The keys jingled in the ignition as we rolled to a stop outside Liz’s house. It looked exactly as I remembered it; light blue with dazzling white shutters and a beautiful beveled glass front door. The dried flower wreath her mother bought at the farmers market during the spring still hung in place. A soft glow emanated from the curtained windows. I allowed my eyes to travel across the familiar building until they finally settled on Liz’s room. I had to prepare myself for the possibility that she might not want to come with me either. Maybe she hated me for leaving, maybe she was still hurt, or maybe she had moved on and found a new best friend. I’d prepare myself for the worst, but hope for the best. Either way, I was telling her the truth and I would do whatever I could to keep her safe.
“I’ll give you a few minutes,” Arrick said. The pain was gone from his eyes and a small smile lifted the corners of his lips. The connection between us tugged at my heart, and I grasped his hand in mine before I opened the door and walked up the steps.
It took me a few seconds to decide between knocking on the door, and ringing the doorbell. My hands were too unsteady so I pressed the button and heard the chime echo within. Liz’s mother called out for her to answer and I could hear Liz moan in response, which only made a smile light up my face. Her feet pounded on the stairs to let her mother know how putout she was, and then the door swung open.
We just stared at each other. She looked like she’d seen a ghost, and I waited with my breath held for her to say something, or slam the door in my face. She was exactly as I remembered her, not that she’d have changed in the months I’d been gone. Her blonde hair was in a long, curly pony tail, she was in her favorite pajamas, and her skin was fresh and clean. I always thought she looked prettier without makeup. She had been getting ready for bed. It was very late and I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d been up to.
“Claire?” Her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth fell open. “Wow, you hardly look like you anymore.”
“Hey.” I smiled at her, suddenly nervous. Her eyes widened in shock and I realized I’d flashed full-on fang at her. I slapped my hand across my mouth and looked away. Geez, I could be a real idiot sometimes.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. Her tone was simply curious, but the words cut through me like a knife. Those weren’t exactly the words I had been hoping to hear.
“I… I came to see you.” I rubbed my arms even though it wasn’t cold out. “Can I come in?”