Despite the Angels - By Madeline A Stringer Page 0,124
to guess. You’d never keep up with her anyway.
“Dear David, I’ve gone. I can’t stay here any more. It was a big mistake, me trying to be with you. I always have wanted to be somewhere else, but then when we go somewhere, that’s not right either-
“You can say that again” said David aloud, his voice startling the room. “You always were a discontented bitch.”
-so I think it must be us that’s the problem. So I’m going, don’t bother to track me down, I’ll be moving around. I’ve taken the money. Maybe I’ll get a divorce if I pass through Las Vegas. I’ll let you know. Kathleen”
David read it again and again. The light slowly faded while he tried to decide what to think, even what to feel. He wouldn’t miss her, though he’d certainly notice her absence. The girls would keep him busy. The girls. What will they think, has Kathleen explained to them? His thoughts, now only in thousands, whirled round and round, circling and dodging, refusing to settle. I tried, oh God, how I tried, he thought. And this is the end of it. I wasn’t good enough. She wants so much and it’s not what I want, or what I have to give. We really weren’t partners at all, just spouses. But I thought it would be me that would crack and now it’s happened, but it’s on her terms. The money. She says she’s taken ‘the money’. What money? She can’t have! He got up and went into the back room to searched the sideboard for the building society book. The rainy day money, not much but growing slowly, they’d both agreed to pretend it wasn’t there, so that the girls could go to college, or have slap-up weddings one day. They would be dipping into it this autumn, for the college fees. It was gone.
“So, in the end, the girls are taking second place to Miss Whinge. Again. But I really didn’t think you’d go so low, Kay, I really thought that was sacrosanct. I didn’t realise before, but I was right just now. You really are a bitch.”
“Who’s a bitch, Dad?” Caroline was behind him and her arms snaked round his waist. “Not me?”
“Wouldn’t be surprised” said Clare. “Worms can turn.”
“No, not either of you.” David stopped and looked at them, these beautiful young women he had worked so hard for and put up with so much for, and wondered what to say to them. Could he bad-mouth their mother? Could he lie and pretend he and Kay had parted amicably? What would be the best? Nothing would be good and in the end he decided the truth was easiest for everyone. No trying to remember the story, for one thing. So he told them, just the bald facts, and showed them their mother’s letter. They stood quietly together, their long hair hanging like two glossy brown curtains, one smooth, one wavy, as they read the short message and then four wide eyes turned to him.
“Is that all?” said Clare. “She didn’t say anything about us?”
Caroline was running up the stairs. Her feet pounded around above their heads for a few minutes and then she was down, her eyes glistening.
“Nothing. No notes for us. Nothing.” And she started to cry. Clare put an arm around her and sniffed.
They sat around the table later, over a scratch meal of rashers and baked beans. The girls were very quiet, their eyes red rimmed. David felt disloyal, because within him was no grief, just a feeling of relief. At last there was a change; he wouldn’t have to struggle to finance yet another trip and field the complaints when the trip was a disappointment.
“Why are you smiling, Dad? Is there a joke?” Caroline’s voice was sharp. David sighed.
“It’s really hard to explain. I don’t think anyone will understand. I don’t really understand myself, yet.” He looked at the girls, pleading silently with them to at least withhold judgement. “I’m sorry, loves. I’m really sorry this happened.”
“Why are you sorry, Dad? It’s not you that’s walked out,” said Clare.
“Your mother was really hard work…”
“Yea, high maintenance, it’s called. We noticed.” Clare slumped in her chair and pushed her plate away.
“ …so I suppose I’m smiling at the irony of it. That I struggled for years to keep her happy, not to walk out like I’ve been advised; and in the end she walks out and saves me the bother. I’m sorry girls, but there it is. Maybe