Desperately Seeking - By Evelyn Cosgrave Page 0,88

would only cause unpleasantness for the whole family, especially Jean. I couldn’t do that to her. And, besides, Mike would probably run a mile.’

‘That’s true – I mean that it might be unpleasant. But if you believe that this could be the real thing and not some silly crush, then maybe you’d better find out how Mike feels.’

‘Really? You think I should go for it?’

‘You only have one life, that you know of. It’s hard enough to find someone you can be happy with, and the older you get, the more complicated it’s going to be.’ She paused. ‘Most of the family doesn’t know this, but Tom was married when I met him.’

‘What?’

‘Yeah. We’ve always kept it quiet. At the time there was no divorce in Ireland and, apart from that, there was the shame.’ She giggled.

‘Is that why you went to New Zealand?’

‘Partly. His marriage was eventually annulled, but it was easier to sit it out on the other side of the world. New Zealand’s been brilliant. We’ve had opportunities there we could never have had here. And it’s a great place to bring up kids.’

‘Wow! I had no idea. Do Mum and Dad know?’

‘They do, but they like to forget.’

‘So… did you break up his marriage?’

‘It was already a mess, but I should probably have run a mile – he was older and he was married. But I didn’t. And not a day goes by when I’m not glad I turned my back on everything the nuns taught us. So, you see, if you think this might be the real thing…’

I couldn’t believe what I’d heard. I’d thought theirs was the most conventional of marriages. You just never know. And was she actually encouraging me to tell Mike I loved him, when I’d decided to give up hope? I couldn’t decide whether I was excited about seeing him the following day, or so petrified that I mightn’t even turn up myself.

Of course I turned up. I arrived on time in a new dress with a plausible excuse for Keith’s absence. A relation had died. He’d had to go to the funeral. When Mum quizzed me on the details – whose side was the death on, was it an aunt or uncle, how old were they, what name would she put on the Mass card? – I realized I should have taken the time to create a back story. I mumbled some stuff about it being a shock and prayed I wouldn’t be struck down for playing fast and loose with his family. I’d already done enough.

‘Well, that’s so disappointing,’ Mum had concluded. ‘I mean, it’s terrible for poor Keith but Anna and Tom were really looking forward to meeting him. Maybe we’ll see him tomorrow.’

‘Maybe,’ I said, as I backed away in the direction of the drinks table.

Mum had pulled out all the stops. From the entrance gate to the under-the-stairs loo to the compost heap in the back garden, she had painted, polished, lit up, dusted with glitter, reupholstered, revarnished – you name it, she’d done it. The length of the avenue was lit with tiny white bulbs that, in the failing light of the late-August evening, suggested a gateway to an alternative reality. I had the feeling, as I wobbled up the drive in heels I knew were too high (but too fantastic to leave behind in the sale) that I might never be the same again. The lights continued round the hall door, which was wide open to give up the eerie sounds of an Air CD being played slightly too loudly in the sitting room. My sense of disorientation continued as I walked through the hall: nobody seemed to be at home. I was just beginning to talk sternly to myself when Lucy tumbled down the stairs.

‘Hi, Kate. Didn’t expect you for ages. Where’s Keith? Like your dress. I can’t believe I’m already getting fat. Wait a minute and I’ll find Mum. She wants to organize a photograph or something.’

She continued her tumble down the stairs and disappeared in the direction of the kitchen. She didn’t look fat; she looked radiant. At that moment I envied Lucy. She was in love and she had her life sorted out. How had she managed it all of a sudden?

I threaded my way into the sitting room with the intention of turning down the stereo. I really liked the album and I knew who had brought it, but it was freaking me out. If I was going