Desperately Seeking - By Evelyn Cosgrave Page 0,52

What was my problem? Sure, I’d discovered that Keith had had a long-term relationship he’d never told me about, but it wasn’t like he cared anything for that girl, and I still had secrets I hadn’t told him about and I didn’t think there was anything wrong in that. Sometimes you can hear too much of the truth. If anything, I had discovered another aspect to my boyfriend, which made him even more appealing. So why hadn’t it thrilled me to hear my fiancé say that all his passion was for me?

Before I had undressed, Keith came into the bathroom. He said nothing, but pulled me off the bath and began to remove my clothes. One by one, he opened the buttons on my shirt and placed his hand inside my bra. Then, as he unclipped the hooks, he undid the fly of his jeans. With my bra on the floor he placed his other hand under my skirt and removed my underwear. He moved very slowly, yet very deliberately. We were backed up against the sink, our mouths locked together, our bodies hardly moving as he went deeper and deeper. It was one of the sweetest orgasms I had ever had and one of the saddest; Keith had never been more present in my body, or more absent from my mind.

10

There are a small number of days throughout the entire year on which the whole business of waking up can be accomplished truly successfully. They are usually during holidays and sometimes on festive days like Christmas, but very occasionally, for no reason, you wake up in the morning and everything runs perfectly.

I had a Wednesday, towards the middle of July, that started like that. I must have got to bed early the night before because I woke feeling as if every cell had been swept liberally with oxygen, the cobwebs and stale air flushed out. The little alcohol detox I had been giving myself contributed, no doubt, to the effect. Keith was already gone and had left his side of the bed almost as if it hadn’t been slept in. It led me to reflect that we hadn’t had much sex lately. But I presumed that was part of living together, or living together with my sister in the way, and that it was only temporary. I sat up in bed and drew the curtains to allow the morning light to flood the room. It was still early so there was no need to rush into the shower straight away. I could just be for a while.

Part of this sense of calm had to come from the fact that I had given notice at work and it had been accepted with a distinct touch of regret on my boss’s part. But he wished me well, said he would be sorry to lose me (I had always brightened up the office, apparently) and assured me he would do anything he could to facilitate my ‘change of direction’. It was, as they say, a weight off my mind. And to add to that, I had made several enquiries regarding undergraduate and post-graduate courses. It looked as if I’d have a lot to choose from and I’d be able to start in September. Suddenly waking up was a whole other business.

Thus my morning continued. The water temperature in the shower was perfect (always difficult when the ambient temperature starts to rise), and the new shampoo I was trying out left my hair silky smooth and tangle free as well as sweetly fragrant. As I dressed I contemplated the joy I would soon have in climbing into my jeans whenever I felt like it or going all out in some crazy creation I had put together with Lucy. I might even wear a suit from time to time, just to play a role – it was all in the joy of not having to. What I saw in the mirror that morning was a young woman quite happy with herself. Her navy linen trousers and crisp linen blouse, offset with an ethnic necklace, gave the impression of someone at ease with her life choices. She might be in transition, but she was confident of her new direction. I could smile at myself and feel that, finally, I was taking charge.

My mind was also at ease because I had made an overdue visit to Mum and Dad. Mum greeted me with deserved coolness but Dad was visibly delighted and started bustling about with a