The Demon's Song - By Kendra Leigh Castle Page 0,80
“I’m fine with the start we already had. And I’m not turning myself into a vampire! I’d never see my family, or my friends. I’d be dead to them. My career? Also dead. I’d have to start drinking blood, my eyes would turn red, and I’d never see another sunrise! You said we’d come away here when we could? What, so I could takes walks along the beach in the dark? You love this place for the light of it, Phenex, and that’s something you want to take away my ability to share. No. I won’t do that. I won’t give up what I am.”
It took Phenex a minute to register that she wasn’t just unhappy with the vampire idea. She was furious. His own temper flared, the shock of his hurt feelings making it worse.
“What did you think I meant, Sofia? Get a house somewhere, watch you age and die while I never change? Human life is barely long enough to do anything! I want to make sure I have you forever. This is the only way.”
She seemed to be trying to contain herself. Her fingers flexed as if they were looking for something to throttle.
“You want to have me, to keep me…the way you talk about it makes it sound more like I’m one of your instruments than a partner.” Sofia pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, hard, before looking at him with such misery and anger that it might have filled the entire ocean beyond them. “I’m sorry that my humanity is so upsetting to you that you want me to change it. But it’s not going to happen. If you want to be with me, you get me, Phenex. The human who will age and die, since the only way around that is unacceptable to me. On the bright side, maybe you’d get tired of me way before I got all old and ugly.”
This wasn’t going the way he’d wanted. At all.
“You would never be ugly. Hellfire, Sofia, I want to keep you!”
Her eyes widened and despite her humanity, he would swear they shot off sparks.
“Stop saying that! You think you can stuff me in that house in the cave along with the other things you enjoy and call it a day? And all I have to change is everything. What about you, Phenex? What do you lose out on here?”
He shifted uncomfortably. “Ah…”
“Yeah, exactly. Nothing. That isn’t a relationship, Phenex.” She shoved her hands into her hair.
He’d hurt her. How had he hurt her by asking her to stay with him?
“I knew,” she muttered to herself. “I knew. I’m so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid. This is stupid. I didn’t ask you to slit your damn wrists and sell your soul. If you don’t want to be with me, Sofia, then say so. I’m not going to beg.”
“You’re not going to—” She bared her teeth. “You asshole, I’m in love with you. In love with you! Do you even know what that means? Do you have any idea at all? I not only want to be with you, I want it so bad that sometimes it physically hurts!”
He could only stare at her as though she’d grown an extra head, the words ringing in his ears. Love. She couldn’t. She wasn’t supposed to.
“Sofia. Don’t.” It was a command. A plea. Love wasn’t supposed to be a part of this. Just when he thought he was getting a handle on what he wanted from her, she shook everything up again and made him see how much more there might be…what he could have if he just—
“I can’t,” he rasped. Don’t make me unlock that part of myself. I don’t even know if I can. I don’t know if there’s anything left. I can’t.
Her laugh was bitter, and he was horrified to see that a stray tear had rolled down her cheek. “You can’t. Can’t love me back? Can’t handle my humanity?” She shook her head and looked away. “Well, I can’t, either. I can’t live in the dark. I can’t accept just a little piece of you when I know there’s so much more. I want all of you, including the heart you pretend you don’t have. I would come with you, Phenex, if there were some middle ground. I would relocate, find a new job, start someplace new. People do it every day. There are leaps I’m willing to make. But you would have to give, too. You would have to let my life—and