could stop myself. “The infected were chasing us. She couldn’t keep up. I tried to pull her along, but she fell.” The pain in my chest grew, and tears started raining down my cheeks all over again. “I ran. I could have tried to pick her up or to find something to protect us, but I left her. I can still hear her screaming my name and the sounds of the infected as they ate her.”
I wiped the snot from my nose and made myself continue.
“She found me a few days later in the same house we’d been using. I killed her with a knife.” I lifted my clean hand. “It feels like the blood is still here. I can feel its stickiness and the way the tissue clung to the blade as I yanked it out of her mouth.”
I lifted my head and looked him in the eyes.
“I killed my sister. How do I live with that?”
“You would both be dead if you hadn’t run. Your sister wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“My sister wouldn’t have wanted to be bitten, turned, and killed by me.”
“Guilt fades with time. You will learn to live with your past just as I have.”
That was it? Live with what I’d done? What the hell did he think I’d been trying to do?
I scrambled off his lap.
“Get out.”
“No.”
“I told you everything like you wanted. You’ve nailed my window shut and taken away everything sharp. There’s no reason for you to be in here anymore. Get out.”
He leaned forward in his chair, bracing his elbows on his knees.
“Get back in bed and go to sleep, or we go down to the basement.”
“God, I hate you.”
“I know.”
I crawled back into bed and glared at the window. I was so stupid for listening to Brenna and Shax. Merdon didn’t have it in him to be nice. He was nothing but an asshole.
Chapter Twenty-One
The snick of the door, just after dawn, pulled me out of an unintended doze. Thinking it was Emily coming into my room to speak with Merdon, I waited. Several long moments of silence passed before I gave in and twisted around to see what was happening.
Merdon’s chair was empty.
Why leave now? Since I’d crawled back into bed, he’d been staring at me like a pain-in-the-ass hall monitor. And, I knew he hadn’t slept because I’d watched him just as closely as he’d watched me. Or, at least, I had until exhaustion pulled me under shortly before dawn.
It didn’t bode well for me that he’d waited for me to pass out before sneaking away. I realized he was probably going to relay everything I told him to Emily, and I began to panic. She’d kick me out, and I’d be forced to live in a house with Merdon, alone and in hell for the rest of my life.
I slithered from the bed and crept toward the door. Or, rather, I tried to. Everything felt weird. Not only in the way the room seemed to spin and twirl but how my movements were uncoordinated and slow. I was running on too little sleep because of last night.
I shook my head, trying to wake myself some more, then slowly and noiselessly let myself into the hall. Emily’s door was closed. I didn’t hear anything from her room, but I did hear the low rumble of Merdon’s voice coming from the kitchen.
Knowing he had sharp hearing, I descended the steps to midway, stopping close enough to just make out words.
“…rough night. How is she doing?” Emily asked.
“She’s restless.”
“I hope that doesn’t mean taking her to the basement again. I can’t stand hearing you spank her or her yelps when you bite her. It’s breaking my heart.”
“I know.”
There was that damn “I know” again. If he was so all-knowing, why couldn’t he figure out that I saw his dumb pseudo-training for what it was? A strong fetish for ass abuse.
“I’m sorry, Merdon,” Emily said.
Why was she apologizing to him? It was my ass that hurt. And my hand still felt tender from a bite.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
The worry in her voice confused the hell out of me as did Merdon’s long, loud exhale.
“Your heart is breaking, but mine broke the first time I struck her. Now, I die a thousand deaths each time I harden her hate toward me.”
My mouth fell open. That couldn’t be right. I stuck a finger in my ear, certain it wasn’t working, and gripped the railing tighter when my balance wobbled.