any of the men to think that the right woman is one who would attack him in public for no good reason.”
My stomach dove to my toes as I realized why Mary was acting the way she was. Unable to look up and meet the accusation coming at me from across the table, I locked my gaze onto my plate.
“You should be ashamed of yourself, Hannah. I know you were raised better than that. Merdon has done so much for you, taken care of you when you refused to take care of yourself, and that’s how you repay him?”
“What’s going on?” Emily asked.
“Hannah attacked Merdon this morning. You didn’t notice the scratch on his face?”
Emily remained quiet. She had noticed but probably thought it’d come from one of our basement matches.
“He’s a good man and deserves to be treated as such. Now, apologize.”
My mind went completely blank for a moment before an overwhelming number of emotions and thoughts battered me. Yes, I’d lost my shit this morning. I shouldn’t have lashed out the way I had, but it hadn’t been a conscious choice. I didn’t know how to cope with all the shit in my head without alcohol, which Merdon took away from me. How was it my fault I went crazy? Especially since Mary had just acknowledged something was wrong enough that someone else had to take care of me.
I was angry I was the one getting yelled at here, but over that anger was hurt. So much hurt. Mary and James were supposed to have been my support. Twice, now, they’d let me down.
“No,” I said, lifting my head. “You both thought it was a good idea for Merdon to spank me and bite me, but when I do it back, I’m the one to blame? I’m not apologizing for reacting the way he’s been teaching me to react. But I am sorry. I’m sorry I came here, and I’m sorry I ever believed you could care about me enough to help fill the place of everyone I’ve lost.”
I stood and placed my napkin on the table.
“I’ll try your dish at home if you want me to,” I said to Emily.
James hurried to stand.
“I’ll walk with you.”
Ignoring him, I went to the door and grabbed my jacket. For a guy who usually didn’t get up and answer the door, he had a lot of hustle as he followed me.
“Take pity on an old man, Hannah, and let me use your arm,” he said when the door closed behind us.
Taking a calming breath, I stopped and helped him even though I didn’t want to. I’d known James long enough to understand he was walking with me to put in his two cents.
“It might not seem like it now, but we love you, Hannah. Mary’s just upset because she sees things differently than you. Honestly, we both do.” He let out a weary sigh. “Mary and I are deadweight. We contribute nothing to our little community. We can’t help get supplies, only eat them. We can’t protect anyone.” He nudged my arm he was clutching, “Hell, I can barely walk.
“Mary and I know we’re a liability, but these fey have never once made us feel that way. Finding a girl to settle down with might consume every waking thought they have, but they still help us even knowing there’s nothing Mary and I will ever be able to do to pay them back.
“They’re good people, and Mary won’t let poor treatment of such good people go without a strong word of discouragement.”
“And my poor treatment? You both encouraged him. I wore his handprint for hours. You saw his bite marks.”
“We also saw how bad it was getting and how much you’ve turned around in the weeks he’s been with you. Don’t you see? We were willing to do anything not to lose you. What’s a few thrashings in exchange for you?”
“You wouldn’t be saying that if it had been your backside,” I mumbled.
“I would. I doubt he would have been as interested in spanking me, though. Mary tried it once. Said I was too tough and didn’t squeal enough.”
I stopped walking to stare at him. He chuckled and winked at me.
“If you didn’t have even a moment of fun with Merdon, he’s not doing something right. Give him another chance. Or, ask him for a turn like Mary did to me.”
The implication that he’d been spanking Mary prior to her spanking him made me want to stuff snow in my