the second rule as the first. By playing the games, we were “earning” the items, not accepting handouts. Also, the party scene kept us from any one-on-one time.
“Let me know when you want to plan it,” I said. “I’ll spread the word.”
“Yeah, I want to keep thinking on it more. You have to do a lot of drinking to win sometimes. That can’t be good for your liver.”
I snorted.
“Just one more hazard of surviving the apocalypse.”
She gave me a sad look that quickly vanished.
“Why don’t you take your time with breakfast and meet me at James and Mary’s when you’re done?”
“Sure.”
As soon as she left, I scraped the remnants of my breakfast into the garbage and returned to my room. The bed called to me despite the numerous hours I’d already spent in it. While some would succumb to the lure of a few more Z's, I knew better. The bed wasn’t my friend.
Turning my back on the rumpled mass of bedding, I padded into the bathroom. I took my time, since I was in no hurry to get to James and Mary’s. It wasn’t like they were going anywhere. There was nowhere to go. What the hellhounds and infected hadn’t destroyed, the idiots with the bombs had.
The fey and people like Mya were delusional to believe there was any kind of future for us. We humans were just fish in a barrel within Tolerance’s walls.
With sobriety came the oppressive certainty that there was no point to any of this. Eating. Washing. Why do any of it just to die in a few days or weeks?
Shutting off the water, I left the enclosure and stared at myself in the foggy mirror.
What are you doing, Hannah? Are you living or just slowly dying?
The answer reflected back at me in the dark circles under my eyes and visibility of my rib bones. What little vitality I’d clung to had died long ago.
A single tear trailed down my cheek, and I wiped it away with a shaky hand before pushing back from the counter. My current train of thought needed to stop, and there was only one way to do that.
I bent to grab my jeans from the floor, intent on finding someone who might have an adult beverage to share. The sun coming through the window glinted at something peeking from under my bed. Leaning down, I saw the gold cap of a bottle of liquor.
“There you are,” I murmured, pulling it out. “I remember you from last night.” This had been the bottle I’d wanted to sample.
I twisted the top, listening to the seal break, and grinned.
No time like the present for a little taste.
“Hannah.”
If the persistent shaking hadn’t penetrated the pleasant haze, the sharp annoyance in Emily’s tone had. Blinking the fuzzy dusk of my room into focus, I squinted up at my housemate.
“Hey, Emily.”
Her expression shifted from annoyed to angry.
“You didn’t show,” she accused. “You promised you would. Instead, I come home to find you passed out again. Did you drink this whole thing by yourself?”
I gave the empty bottle she held in her hand a quick side glance.
“It’s not that big.”
Her anger bled away, leaving a level of sorrow that made me want to close my eyes. I hated sorrow. It was just as bad as pity. I didn’t need any of that bullshit.
Instead of scolding me more, Emily sat on the edge of my bed.
“Hannah, I’m worried. I think the drinking is making you worse. I’m not judging. I know life’s not easy, and we’re all desperate for a little escape. But I’m—”
“Worried. I get it. I don’t need your worry or constant mothering. I’m fine. Or, I would be if you got off my case. It’s just one dumb bottle. I’ll find you some more.”
“Hannah, I’m not mad that you drank this because I wanted it. I’m not mad at all. I’m scared for you, and I don’t know what to do to help.”
“You don’t need to do anything, Emily. I’m not some pet project that needs fixing so you can distract yourself from how fucking shitty the world is.”
A hurt look crossed her face before she stood.
“Fine. Wallow in your misery then.”
“Thank you.”
I closed my eyes and welcomed the darkness.
Panic suffocated me, burning my lungs and straining my pulse.
Behind us, the soft moans of a dozen infected were almost drowned out by our gasping breaths and the rustle of leaves under our feet. Even if we couldn’t hear them, there was no doubting they were