it. What the hell was I going to say after that? My brain had short-circuited and wasn’t rewiring itself into coherent thought. The only thing floating around in that numb void was wondering if I should ask him to do it again…just to see if it would happen a second time.
“Never turn your back on your attacker,” Merdon said, finally. “That was your mistake.”
He got up and pulled me to my feet. It was a first.
“Get to the kitchen and eat.”
I couldn’t do more than nod and hustle up the stairs on wobbly legs.
“I hope you’re hungry,” Emily said as I sat on an island stool.
“I don’t like any of this,” I said desperately.
She looked at the food she was putting on my plate.
“Not the food; the treatment. Locking me in my room. Not talking to me. Letting him do things to me.”
I could feel that corrosive combination of fear, panic, and guilt writhing to life in my middle. Only this time, it had nothing to do with Katie. What I suffered now was because I’d treated Emily like crap and because I’d tried to hurt myself. It sucked seeing the truth for what it was. Worse than seeing the reality of my situation was not knowing what to do about it.
“Help me,” I begged.
Her eyes started to water. Her gaze shifted from my face to something behind me just before Merdon’s hands settled on my shoulders.
“Enough, Hannah. Emily is helping you. Eat.”
Emily swallowed hard and pushed my plate toward me. I didn’t reach for it. I couldn’t. The feel of his fingers resting over the spot where he’d bitten me immobilized me. My pulse started to kick up.
The pressure on my shoulders increased infinitesimally as he leaned forward. His exhale moved the hair by my ear.
“Eat or I will help you eat.”
With a trembling hand, I forked a heap of food into my mouth. He grunted and sat beside me. It wasn’t until I’d hurriedly cleared half my plate that I realized he’d changed things up. He hadn’t made me shower before eating. Why?
I paused with my half-eaten biscuit in my hand and glanced at him.
He was eating more slowly than usual. When he felt my attention, he immediately looked up. I could only stare at him a moment before I crammed the rest of the biscuit into my mouth. It took all my water to get it down.
Emily noticed how fast I was eating.
“Do you want more?” she asked. “There’s still some left.”
I almost said no. I’d packed away a plate of thick stew and two biscuits. I should be ready to pop. Instead, it barely felt like I ate anything.
“If we don’t need to save it, I’ll eat it,” I said.
She smiled at me and emptied the remnants of the pot onto my plate. The portion was only a third of the size of my first helping, and I polished it off quickly.
Emily moved to grab my plate, but I shot from my seat and hurried to the sink myself. I didn’t know what Merdon had planned for after-dinner fun that would allow me to skip a pre-dinner shower, but I didn’t want anything to do with it. If my basement time taught me anything, it was to be ready and on my feet. It made for a faster getaway.
“Are you tired, Hannah?” Merdon asked.
“Exhausted.”
He grunted. I rinsed faster.
As soon as I was done, I said, “I’m going to go shower,” and bolted for the stairs.
My heart continued to race even after I was in my own room and had the door locked. The irony of using the lock wasn’t lost on me. While I could accept my fickle nature when it came to wanting to be locked in my room, I was having a hard time accepting my reaction in the basement.
Troubled, I closed myself in the bathroom and paced.
It was the feel of his nose on my skin that had started the problem. I hadn’t expected the soft touch, and it had taken me by surprise and created an unexpected moment of awareness. He was a male and had been manhandling me for two days. That was all. My brain just connected things in a weird way. What I’d felt hadn’t meant anything and didn’t mean I had a thing for the guy tormenting me.
Facing the mirror, I nodded to myself then took a calming breath. Everything was fine.
I turned away before I could see the doubt and worry in my reflection. How ardently had