were eye to eye. His slit pupils narrowed to thin lines as he studied me.
“You are not tired. You will eat again when you are tired. And you have suffered much more than the minor aches you experience now.”
I flinched away from the reminder of what I’d endured. Yet the thought made me realize that, since the dream last night, all this tumbling around had given me something else to focus on. It shocked me to recognize I hadn’t thought of Katie once since then. Guilt hit me hard.
“No,” Merdon said, giving me a rough shake.
When had he grabbed me?
“Lose focus, and you fail. Do you understand?”
Fail meant spanking. Or did it mean biting now? Either way, I didn’t want to fail, so I nodded and focused completely on Merdon.
“Good.”
He released me and strode to the center of the mat.
“Again.”
Fuck my apocalyptic life.
I could do it. No, I would do it.
“Do you want help?”
“I don’t like your version of help.”
Merdon grunted behind me and waited patiently as I forced my foot onto the next stair. I’d never been physically pushed to the point of muscle failure, but I was there now. My limbs quaked with exhaustion, and I feared sitting to eat lunch. I’d never get up again. As lovely as melting into a puddle in the kitchen sounded, I knew better than to believe Merdon would allow it. He’d been clear that this was a lunch break only.
My stomach growled ominously, demanding it’s due.
“Lift the other foot.”
“I wish I had the energy to turn around and push you down the steps.”
He tapped my butt with the back of his hand.
“Be nice.”
“Says the guy who bit me at least a dozen times.”
“You were too slow.”
And he was sick in the head, but I was smart enough to keep that opinion to myself. After hours in the basement with him, I’d caught on that he had a low tolerance for certain types of sass.
His hand nudged the back of my knee, and I forced myself upward another step. Just two more to go. No problem.
It took me a full minute, during which time Merdon said nothing. He was a weird mix of patience and drive that I doubted I’d ever understand.
When I reached the top, he clasped my arms and steered me to a stool at the kitchen island. I’d never been more grateful for the help. But it weirded me out at the same time. His version of “help” hadn’t ever ended well for me before. I eyed him warily as he sat beside me.
“I hope this is okay,” Emily said, sliding a bowl in front of me and stealing my attention.
I looked down at the stew and actually salivated.
Too hungry to answer, I picked up the spoon and started eating. Even that was too much work. I propped an elbow on the table so I could hold my head up while I fed myself. My eyes closed as I chewed.
How did he expect me to keep going? I had nothing left to give.
During the next spoonful, my sleeve slipped back to expose the bite on my wrist. The general redness was already fading, leaving behind the round dots of his sharp canines. Fey bites weren’t fun. I bitterly hoped his middle finger got infected. It would serve him right.
“Are you finished?” Merdon asked.
I realized I’d stalled my eating with my tired thoughts and started back up again.
He scraped the bottom of his bowl then took it to the sink.
“Watch her,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”
I looked up from my food as he walked down the hall to the bathroom.
Still hungry but too desperate to care, I pushed my bowl away and slid from the stool to a mostly upright position.
“You going to try to run again?” Emily asked quietly.
I snorted. I could barely lift my spoon. How in the hell did she think I’d get to the door? One unsteady step toward the living room nearly brought me to my knees.
“Please, don’t do this, Hannah,” Emily whispered.
Eyes on my prize, I continued forward, doing my best to hurry.
The couch beckoned. I didn’t try to walk around it. I reached the arm and just fell forward. The cushions welcomed me like a long-absent lover. I sighed and closed my eyes. The black abyss of oblivion pulled me into its welcoming embrace.
Mom came to me again. She stroked my hair even though I couldn’t see her.
“You’re strong and intelligent. You will choose to live.”