over my shoulder. The infected were no longer chasing me. They were converging on my sister.
One hand emerged through the mass of bodies.
“Hannah!”
I woke myself screaming then scrambled to the bathroom to throw up. Leaning on the toilet, I struggled to breathe through my self-loathing and tears. I hated. I hated Emily and Merdon for taking my bottles. I hated the fey for coming to the surface. But mostly, I just hated myself.
I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep reliving my hell every time I closed my eyes.
Staggering to my feet, still sobbing, I went to the window. Maybe fate would be more kind this time. Maybe, like last night, Merdon would be gone.
I set my hands to the window and heaved upward. It didn’t budge. I tried the locks, but they weren’t latched. The window wasn’t moving. I tried the other one, and it didn’t move either.
Swearing and crying, I stumbled to my door. I’d find a different window.
“Don’t bother,” Emily said, scaring another scream from me.
Shaking so much I couldn’t stay upright, I collapsed on the floor and looked at the chair in the dark corner near my bed. She sat there, her troubled expression barely lit by the dim light coming through the windows.
“Merdon nailed them shut from the outside.” She leaned forward. “Talk to me, Hannah. I know something bad happened to you. Tell me. Let me help you.”
I shook my head slowly and rested my cheek on the carpet.
“If you were my friend, you’d let me forget,” I whispered.
“I can’t. You’re trying to kill yourself, Hannah. Drinking too much. Jumping off the roof. You can’t see what you’re doing, but I can. And I’m not going to let you go that route. We’ll figure this out together.”
“Why are you sitting in the chair?”
The shaking was starting to fade, but not the guilt. Never the guilt.
“You’ve been fighting sleep for too long. I knew you were going to crash tonight and wanted to be here for you.”
“You should have woken me up,” I whispered.
“I was hoping you’d want to talk about it.”
She’d let me suffer on purpose. The tears started fresh.
“Leave me alone, Emily.”
“I can’t.”
Anger replaced fear. Raging, I got to my feet.
“Get the fuck out!” I screamed at her.
She got the message and beat a hasty retreat. I slammed the door behind her and made sure I locked it. This time, I dragged the chair in front of it and flipped the mattress off the bed so I wouldn’t be tempted by it again. Not like I would have been.
I could still hear my sister screaming my name.
Chapter Ten
Dawn’s light was barely kissing the horizon when I snuck from my bedroom with my box of goods. I’d been more than a little surprised when I’d finally thought to check that the box was still in my room and found everything there. Apparently, the items had been all deemed safe by Mother Emily.
Dizzy and sick, I barely managed to get my coat and boots on. But I didn’t linger until it passed. I didn’t have the luxury of time. A cold sweat broke out over my skin as I carried the weighted box outside.
After collecting my supplies yesterday, I’d learned the fey left for supply runs every morning and met any humans who wanted to go with them by the wall. I didn’t intend to join a supply run but figured it was the best way to hitch a ride over to Tenacity.
Thankfully, no one questioned my early-morning presence at the wall. Probably because I wasn’t the only one with a box of supplies for trade. That and the fey were too busy talking about a cow run, whatever that meant.
When Ryan, Mya’s brother, finally signaled that the few fey gathered were ready, I looked around at the familiar faces, relieved to see one missing. Merdon’s continued absence would ensure I’d have a better day.
The fey who offered to give me a ride kept glancing at my supplies then at my face. At one time in my life, I would have told him to spit it out already. Now, I just didn’t give a damn about whatever he had on his mind. My biggest concern was not throwing up from all the jostling.
We reached Tenacity in minutes, thankfully, and I followed a few other humans to a supply shed that Tenacity used for trading. Unlike the one in Tolerance, there were no overflowing shelves. There wasn’t even enough food to feed a family of four