did not hint at desire. No, there was a lot of anger there.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I tried ducking out of his hold and pulling his hand off me, but his grip was iron.
He inhaled deeply.
“You drank something,” he all but growled in my face.
“No shit. Just a little FYI, I’m an adult and can do what I want.”
“No drinking.”
“No being a fucking dick.” I stomped on his foot, and he didn’t even flinch.
“Do not do that again.”
The growled warning sent a shiver of real fear through me. Merdon wasn’t playing by the normal fey rules. He wasn’t listening, wasn’t being nice, and above all, wasn’t manipulable like the rest.
So, I did what I’ve come to do best.
I screamed in his face. A panicked, someone-is-ripping-my-arm-off-and-going-to-rape-me-with-it kind of scream.
His face registered complete shock before I started struggling in earnest.
“Let me go! Let me go! I don’t want this!”
It took him two seconds to release me and step back.
I shot him a brief, triumphant look before I bolted with a look of fear on my face for all the fey bystanders who’d come running. Adding to the effect, I glanced back as if afraid Merdon would give chase. He didn’t. The angry way he strode toward James and Mary’s place didn’t bode well for the old couple. Not my problem, though.
Focusing on the road ahead of me, I retraced my route. The fey watched my passing without interfering, their friendly waves absent. My world had irrevocably changed again. I could feel that certainty in my bones, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
I reached the house and hesitated, a weight of dread settling into me. I couldn’t go back in there for another day of nothing but my own thoughts.
Standing in the wide open, I suddenly felt so stifled I couldn’t breathe.
The curtain in the front window moved, and I saw Emily looking out at me. Worry pulled her features.
Turning my back on her, I walked off again. There had to be something for me within these walls. Something that would take away the pain that lived and breathed inside of me, a beast with claws that tore me apart from the inside when I let my guard down.
I ambled toward the storage shed, which was really a house that was used to store supplies, already knowing that I wouldn’t find any alcohol in there. Desperation had me opening the door, regardless. I walked through the aisles of racks in the living room, not really seeing the shelves overflowing with food. Farther in, a spare bedroom was being used for toiletries. My eyes lingered on a tube of toothpaste then lifted to the mouthwash above it.
That dread twisted inside of me more firmly. Was I so desperate?
My hands shook, and tears wet my cheeks as I helplessly reached for my salvation and possibly my death. I wasn’t sure which I was hoping for when I uncapped the bottle and took my first drink. It burned in a different way, and I coughed before taking another gulp.
My stomach revolted slightly, and I burped mint.
I looked down at the bottle in my hands. How had I gotten here? When had I sunk low enough to drink mouthwash? I thought of the moment on the roof and had my answer. When I’d stepped off, that had been me giving up.
I was good at giving up, I thought bitterly.
Lifting the bottle to my lips, I took another drink as I cried. A scratch of noise was my only warning before the door opened in the main room. I capped the bottle, quickly replaced it on the shelf, and scooped up the box at my feet. Tampons. Perfect.
Moving away from those supplies, I picked up pads and some toilet bowl cleaner. How long had it been since I’d had my last period? I frowned, trying to remember, but since the RV rescue, my days all just seemed to blur together. It couldn’t have been that long ago, could it?
“What are you doing, Hannah?” Merdon asked from behind me.
I turned and found him a healthy distance away. Maybe I couldn’t manipulate him, but it seemed he might be trainable. It gave me hope.
“I’m trying to figure out when I had my last period. I think I’m overdue.”
He tilted his head at me. His expression didn’t give a lot away, but I didn’t need it to know he didn’t believe me.
“Let me guess. You’re trying to figure out if I’m lying? I’m not.