off the toilet. I doubt you would have reacted any differently.”
She studied me for a moment.
“I would have been aware enough to close the curtain before using the bathroom,” she said softly then stood. “I’ll make us something to eat.”
“I’m not hungry,” I said, feeling thirsty more than anything.
“You need to eat, Hannah.”
“You need to stop acting like my mom. She’s dead.”
Instead of giving me a hurt look, she nodded and left.
Whatever. I didn’t need her weirdness right now.
The dream still clung to me, making my skin itch and tingle. I reached under my bed, grateful I’d actually hidden the vodka before falling asleep. Helping myself to a large drink of it, I ignored how little remained in the bottle and did my best to erase the dream.
It didn’t fade easily. The bad ones never did.
Pacing to the window, I looked out at the street where the woman had died a few days ago. Instead of seeing the slightly trampled but still pristine white snow, I saw Emily laying in a pool of her own blood.
Shuddering, I gulped more vodka.
How long before that really did happen? Today? Tomorrow? It didn’t matter. I didn’t want to be around to see it. I couldn’t.
Just as I let the curtain fall back into place, Merdon stepped into view.
I could feel his gaze shift from my face to the bottle in my hand. I gave him the finger, hoping the gesture wasn’t completely lost on him.
Chapter Five
I was out. Not a drop remained in the bottle after yesterday’s binge drinking because of that messed up dream.
Making a face at myself in the mirror, I dabbed another layer of concealer under my eyes and gave my wet curls another scrunch. Hopefully, the effort would be worthwhile. After all of Emily’s condemning looks yesterday, I needed to at least pretend to have my act together if I wanted to fool Mary and James.
Exhaustion pulled at me as I made my way downstairs. Too little sleep could do that to a person if they let it. I wasn’t about to let it. There was a lot to do today even if dawn’s light was barely creeping over the wall.
In the kitchen, I whipped up a batch of biscuits as quietly as possible. While they were baking, I started on the powdered eggs and sausage. It wasn’t much, but Emily would know effort went into it.
While I waited for her to wake up, I opened the curtains of every window in the house for the show.
Look at Hannah not drinking.
Fucking Merdon.
With everything in place, I sat down on the couch and waited. My mind raced along all the possible ways today might end. There was only one outcome I wanted, me in bed with a bottle snuggled close. Not that I planned on broadcasting that. No, I’d give everyone what they wanted. A picture-perfect Hannah, happy with her place in this shitty world.
The soft smile I’d practiced in the mirror slipped into place with ease when I heard Emily on the stairs.
“Morning,” I said, standing. “I made egg biscuits.”
Her steps slowed as I hurried to the oven and withdrew the two plates I’d kept warm.
“I made them from memory, so I hope they taste okay. It’s been a while.”
I swallowed hard, remembering the exact last time I’d made them. It’d been with my mom, two days before the quakes. We’d girl-talked our way through the process. She’d asked questions about my plans to celebrate my birthday with my friends that night, and I’d filled her in on the latest school drama and my plans for college.
Keeping my smile in place, I set the plate before Emily. She didn’t look happy.
“Hannah, I know this song and dance. You don’t need to pretend things are fine.”
My false humor slipped a little.
“You’re right. Things aren’t fine. But I tried acting like they weren’t fine, and it didn’t make things any better, did it?”
She sighed.
“No. It didn’t.”
“Exactly. So, which version of me do you want?”
Rather than answering, she took a bite of her sandwich.
“This is really good,” she mumbled around a mouthful.
My smile widened, hurting my cheeks.
“Thank you.”
I sat beside her and forced myself to eat. It tasted like dust and ash mixed with a little water.
“So what do we want to do today?” I asked. “I’m tired of being in the house.”
Emily chewed thoughtfully for a moment, and I could feel her wary gaze on me.
“We could do the rounds,” she said. “End at James and Mary’s for dinner?”