“I stay busy and do what I think would make Oelm proud.”
I closed my eyes and tried to believe what he was saying. Would Katie have died on her own? With sorrow, I acknowledged she would have. After all, she’d died because she hadn’t been fast enough. We both hadn’t had the survival skills. We’d started developing those out of necessity. If the RV group hadn’t found me, I would have died on my own. Hell, I’d almost died with them.
Yes, I’d left my sister behind. But it wasn’t that decision that killed her. The infected had killed her. And our ineptitude.
If Katie were there right now, would she forgive me? I sniffed against Merdon’s chest, knowing I’d never have that answer. I realized that whether my past choices were right or wrong didn’t matter. What mattered was I hated that I’d chosen myself over her, and I needed to figure out how to forgive myself for it.
Merdon was gone. It shouldn’t have surprised me, given he’d been letting me wake up on my own most mornings now. But I’d hoped I’d wake up snuggled against him instead of alone.
Motivating myself to move, I grabbed clothes and shut myself in the bathroom. When I showered, I saw a razor waiting for me. I stared at it with a growing smile. Shaving would be nice. The trust that razor represented was even better.
It took me a lot longer than usual to get ready for the day; but when I emerged, I felt surprisingly like the old Hannah. The one from before the quakes. Relaxed. Happy. Ready.
With a bounce to my step, I headed downstairs and found Merdon and Emily having a quiet conversation at the kitchen island.
“Morning,” I said with a smile.
Emily stared at me.
“You look…”
“Amazing? Well-rested? Ready to make up for skipping last night’s dinner?”
“Happy.”
“I kind of am. Thank you to whoever left the razor. I feel transformed.” I looked at Merdon. “Basement time’s going to get trickier now that I’m more aerodynamic.”
Emily snorted. Merdon didn’t look very amused. He didn’t look angry, either. He seemed rather indifferent.
I frowned.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I’m leaving.”
“What? Why? For how long?” I could feel my panic rising. Whether he’d meant to be or not, Merdon was my anchor.
“I don’t know.”
“No. You don’t get to just up and leave. Remember all that dominant male chest beating you did? I’m yours and all that bull? You’re here for me. You stay for me.”
He gripped my shoulders.
“I did not beat my chest. You are mine. And I am leaving. You will be here, just as you are, when I return. Do you understand?”
I stared up at him, my gaze trying to read his. He was afraid. He didn’t want to leave.
“Don’t go,” I whispered.
“We are both strong and will do what we must. Make your sister proud.”
He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead then left.
I stared at the front door, dumbfounded.
“What just happened?” I asked, looking at Emily.
“I don’t know. He was a little quiet this morning, but I figured it was because he was tired.” She looked a little sheepish. “He told me he slept in the same bed with you last night and it was everything he’d hoped it would be.”
“Then why in the hell would he pick today to leave? Did I drool on him too much or something?”
She shook her head and gave me a clueless shrug.
“Whatever. I don’t have the headspace for his games. I’m going to go practice.”
“Oh, no you don’t,” Emily said in a scolding voice. “You barely ate dinner and now want to skip breakfast? I don’t think so. Sit.”
It wasn’t just annoyance in her gaze when I looked at her, but worry. I quickly sat.
“Sorry. I forgot. But I promise my stomach would have remembered before I made it a block down the road. Please tell me it’s another cinnamon roll this morning.”
Her expression relaxed a little.
“No. It’s baked oatmeal. I thought you could use something with a little more energy after hearing what practice has turned into.”
“You should come with me today. Just to spectate.”
“Maybe I’ll stop by. We’ll see how much time I have. Mary and I are doing the final preparations for tonight’s dinner date.”
“Tonight’s the first one?”
She grinned.
“Who is the lucky pair?”
“Newaz and Mila,” she said.
I recalled Mila was the next Tuesday girl.
“Does that mean today’s Tuesday?”
“I have no idea. But it sure sounded official, didn’t it?” She grinned. “I