his thumb over the soft space on the back of my hand is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Whenever Brian and I held hands it always felt possessive. Holding Ran’s hand is just the opposite, like he’s offering something to me rather than taking from me. Like he’s giving me a small piece of himself.
“How’s Mikey feeling today? Think he’ll be able to give himself the shot on his own?” The sidewalks are empty in our neighborhood, with the exception of a jogger and his dog that skirt around us by sidestepping into the street. A few leftover leaves from fall dance along the pavement, but everything else is still. No cars bustling down the lane, no children playing in front yards.
“I think he can handle it.” I knot my fingers tighter with Ran’s. “What do you think his odds are, Ran?”
“Mikey’s odds?” Though we’re walking forward, Ran turns to face me. “Geez, I have no idea, Maggie. I honestly don’t know much about cancer, even less about his specific type. The doctors seem pretty confident, yeah?”
I nod and bite into my lip which is beginning to chap from the wind. “Yeah, they seem confident.”
“Then you have to trust they know what they’re doing.” Ran’s finger lifts to my face and he tucks a wayward hair behind my ear. I imagine he would do the same sort of thing before leaning in to kiss me and I shiver, and I’m so thankful for the freezing temperatures that make doing so seem appropriate. Why am I thinking about kissing Ran? Just last night I wanted to punch that annoyingly beautiful mouth of his.
“You and I both know I have a hard time trusting people.”
He nods. “I know. But sometimes you just have to believe that others have more information and experience than you do.”
We walk three more blocks together. Ran tells me about his first ambulance ride when he was just beginning training as a paramedic and about some of the strangest calls he’s ever been on and injuries he’s seen. We talk about high school and I find out that Ran was a star track athlete, and he humors me with a laugh when I challenge him to a race down the block.
“You think I’m kidding?” I pull on his fingers, picking up my speed in my step, skipping backward on the pavement. “I’m serious. I’ll race you to that stop sign.” I thrust my finger toward a very small, red octagonal blob in the distance that you really can only see if you squint your eyes tightly.
“You’re not kidding?” Ran’s blue eyes widen and a subtle smile grows on his lips.
I swallow. “Three, two…”
“You’re really not kidding.”
“One!”
I throw his hand free and lunge forward, pushing off the concrete with force that propels me forward. It takes Ran a couple beats to shake off his confusion before he bolts too, but I manage to keep my gained distance by pumping my arms to gradually increase my speed. The cold air stings as it enters my lungs and prickles my cheeks. The water collecting in my eyes makes it hard to see, but I don’t give up my pace and instead ignore the burn in my legs, especially the thigh that so often threatens to give out on me. I feel the pull of the scar and clench my jaw, grit through the pain, and when I’m about twenty feet from the sign, I don’t let up on my stride, but push everything I have into that last stretch.
I hear Ran’s labored breathing immediately behind me and sense he’s closing the gap, so when I reach the sign just moments before he does, I know he won’t be able to slow in time to avoid running into me completely. His feet make loud clapping noises as I hear him trying to pull back on his speed, and at the very last second, when I know he’s just moments away from slamming into me, I flip around to face him.
He crashes into me.
I anticipated the hit, so I hadn’t planted my feet and instead absorb the impact by being pushed several feet backward against him. Ran grabs me at the waist, and once we’re steadied, tucks me into him, like a huge bear hug. Our chests heave against one another, trying to collect the air we’d restricted earlier, and I feel my heart in my ears, my fingers, my toes. My breath comes out in thick fogs of mist and so does