The Defiant Wife (The Three Mrs #2) - Jess Michaels Page 0,72

“I was banned from my club.”

Her eyes immediately filled with tears. “Because of Erasmus. Because of all of us.”

“Not because of you,” he said, but they both knew it was a lie. “Not your fault, at any rate.”

Perhaps it wasn’t. Not directly. She had unwisely married a man who had convinced her that he might make her life more interesting. She had told herself she loved him and wanted the life he pretended to create. That made her foolish, but not culpable for all that had happened next.

But the truth still remained that people would invoke her name when they maligned Rhys. And that would fade with time if she faded back, too. But by being with him, loving him? That could only destroy him all the more.

Her actions were her own fault, her own responsibility.

She pushed off the desk and grabbed for her gown. He watched her as she stepped into it and refastened herself. “Phillipa,” he said softly.

She refused to look at him as she smoothed her curls as best she could. “Please don’t.”

“Please don’t what?” he asked as he got up from the desk and caught her arm, pulling her closer.

She pressed both hands to the solid warmth of his chest and moved away again. “Please don’t make this harder than it is.”

“Make what harder?”

In that moment she hated him for making her say the worst word in the world. Hated everything that had brought them here. “Goodbye.”

Phillipa’s voice trembled as she said that word, and yet it had as much power as a curse shouted from the heavens themselves.

“After what just happened, you can’t mean that,” he said. “There must be some other way.”

“There isn’t. There never has been. And I’ve danced around this, but too much has happened for me to keep doing that.”

“Nothing has happened,” he said, and wished he could take back admitting he’d lost his club membership. “Society does this. It shuns and it accepts. There is a path back and I’m walking it. I’ve already been invited to another club, it will just be different. It has nothing to do with you.”

“It has everything to do with me. And if I keep coming back to you, keep giving in to this thing we probably never should have begun, I will destroy you forever. There will be no path.” She cupped his cheeks. “I can’t do that.”

“What if I’m willing to accept those consequences?” he asked.

Her face crumpled, as if he’d said something horrible instead of wonderful. “And what, Rhys? Keep me as a mistress? Make me…” She trailed off as if she couldn’t even say any other alternative. “No. It would destroy you. And I…I care too much for you to do that. We have to let go.”

“No,” he said, reaching for her.

She dodged. “Yes.”

“No!” he repeated, and this time he did catch her. He drew her to him, he kissed her. For a moment she was soft in his arms, but then she pushed away again.

“Yes,” she whispered. “The boundaries we tried to put up…they aren’t enough, that’s clear. I cannot see you at all. I’ll make sure Kenley is brought to you regularly for visits. Nan will accompany him. I’ll send messages to you to keep you apprised about his health or well-being through our friends or a solicitor. And if that is too hard, perhaps it would be best for you and for him if I…” Her breath caught. “If I left.”

He staggered back. “Left him. Left me?”

She nodded. “He’s young and surrounded by people who will love and protect him. It would break my heart to lose him, but this would be a better time to do it than in a year or five years. A last resort if I can’t do what I need to do.”

“Which is to leave me.” He heard the flatness to his tone. Inside he felt anything but flat, though. He felt like someone was tearing him to pieces.

She sobbed out a breath and stepped back toward him. She caught his cheeks, and her eyes met his. He saw her struggle, saw her love for him even though she had never said it. Saw all her regrets and fear and heartbreak, the very same things that were mirrored in his own heart.

“If I could do anything else, I would do it,” she choked out.

She brushed her mouth to his, then pressed her forehead against his for a moment. And at last she pulled back. She turned to leave and he knew he