the murder I just thought it was part of his grief. Not that I've spent much time with him anyway - I should have, but I haven't. I know about Thaddeus, because I saw it once . . . and ever after it was in my mind."
Hester drew breath to say sometiring - and nothing seemed adequate.
Damaris closed her eyes.
"I saw the same look in Valentine's face." Her voice was tight, as if her throat were burned inside. "I knew he was being abused too. I thought it was Maxim - I hated him so much I would have killed him. It never occurred to me it was Thaddeus. Oh God. Poor Alex." She gulped. "No wonder she killed him. I would have too - in her place. In fact if I'd known it was he who abused Valentine, I would have anyway. I just didn't know. I suppose I assumed it was always fathers." She laughed harshly, a tiny thread of hysteria creeping back into her voice. "You should have suspected me. I would have been just as guilty as Alexandra - in thought and intent, if not in deed. It was only inability that stopped me - nothing else."
"Many of us are innocent only through lack of chance - or of means," Hester said very softly. "Don't blame yourself. You'll never know whether you would have or not if the chance had been there."
"I would." There was no doubt in Damaris's voice, none at all. She looked up at Hester. "What can we do for Alex? It would be monstrous if she were hanged for that. Any mother worth a damn would have done the same!"
"Testify," Hester answered without hesitation. "Tell the truth. WeVe got to persuade the jury that she did the only thing she could to protect her child."
Damaris looked away, her eyes filling with tears.
"Do I have to tell about Valentine? Peverell doesn't know! Please. . ."
"Tell him yourself," Hester said very quietly. "He loves you - and he must know you love him."
"But men don't forgive easily - not things like that." The despair was back in Damaris's voice.
Hester felt wretched, still hoping against all likelihood that it was not Peverell.
"Peverell isn't'men,' " she said chokingly. "Don't judge him by others. Give him the chance to be all - all that he could be." Did she sound as desperate and as hollow as she felt? "Give him a chance to forgive - and love you for what you really are, not what you think he wants you to be. It was a mistake, a sin if you like - but we all sin one way or another. What matters is that you become kinder and wiser because of it, that you become gentler with others, and that you have never repeated it!"
"Do you think he will see it like that? He might if it were anyone else - but it's different when it's your own wife."
"For heaven's sake - try him."
"But if he doesn't, I'll lose him!"
"And if you lie, Alexandra will lose her life. What would Peverell think of that?"
"I know." Damaris stood up slowly, suddenly all her grace returning. "I've got to tell him. God knows I wish I hadn't done it. And Charles Hargrave, of all people. I can hardly bear to look at him now. I know. Don't tell me again, I do know. I've got to tell Pev. There isn't any way out of it-lying would only make it worse."
"Yes it would." Hester put out her hand and touched Damaris's arm. "I'm sorry - but I had no choice either."
"I know." Damaris smiled with something of the old charm, although the effort it cost her was apparent. "Only if I do this, you'd better save Alex. I don't want to say all this for nothing."
"Everything I can. I'll leave nothing untried - I promise."
Chapter 12
Alexandra sat on the wooden bench in the small cell, her face white and almost expressionless. She was exhausted, and the marks of sleeplessness were plain around her eyes. She was for thinner than when Rathbone had first seen her and her hair had lost its sheen.
"I can't go on," she said wearily. "There isn't any point. It will only damage Cassian - terribly." She took a deep breath. He could see the rise of her breast under the thin gray muslin of her blouse. "They won't believe me. Why should, they? There's no proof, there never could be. How could you prove