Deeper than the Night - By Amanda Ashley Page 0,89

back to her original quandary. Did she love Alex enough to give up all hope of ever being a mother? But even as she asked herself that question, she knew there was more involved, much more. What would happen to their relationship when she aged and he did not? How would they ever be free of Barrett? Did she want to spend her whole life looking over her shoulder? Even if they changed their names and left the country, she'd always be waiting, wondering if Barrett was still looking for them. And what about Nana and Gail? Barrett had used her sister and grandmother to get to her in the past; she knew he wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

And then she thought of a life without Alex, and knew she would make any sacrifice necessary to be with him.

Rising, she went to stand at the window. It was raining. She stared at the downpour through eyes blurred by tears and knew the cloudburst outside was nothing compared to the storm raging in her heart.

Alex wandered through the house, acutely aware of Kara's turbulent emotions. No doubt she would leave him now. It would be for the best. She deserved a normal life, with a man who could share the daylight with her, give her children, grow old at her side. She deserved to be happy, secure. Living with him would always carry an element of danger. If she wanted to go to the zoo, to the beach, on a picnic, for a walk in the park on a summer day, she would have to go alone.

Feeling as if the walls were closing in on him, he went out into the backyard and let the rain wash over him.

How would he go on without her? If his life had seemed empty before, how much more desolate would it be now, when he had known Kara's love, heard her laughter, felt the touch of her hand? And yet, no matter how much he loved her, he could not give her the kind of life she deserved.

He wanted her to be happy.

He wanted to carry her back to his mountain lair and never let her go.

He wanted a home and a family, the love and companionship of a woman with dreamy blue eyes, the sound of a child's laughter.

He wanted Kara.

And yet he knew the best thing he could do for her was get out of her life.

And he knew, with a certainty that was too awful to be borne, that he didn't have the strength to do what was right; he knew that, if his weakness was the cause of herdeath, he would have nothing left to live for. If that day came, he would walk out into the sun and let it destroy him.

Burdened with a weight of sorrow too heavy to bear, he sank to his knees, his tears mingling with the rain.

Kara stared at the lone figure standing in the yard. Rain pelted his head and chest, soaking his trousers. She didn't have to probe his mind to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. His pain was hers. His thoughts were her thoughts. She felt his loneliness, his yearning for a home and a family, his fear for her life should she become pregnant, the strong sense of guilt that everything that had happened to her was his fault. He wanted her, but he was afraid, afraid for her life, her future, afraid of causing her pain.

She pressed her hand to her heart as he dropped to his knees, his head bowed, as if in surrender.

She was the cause of his anguish. The knowledge that he was hurting because of her cut her to the quick.

A heavy sigh shuddered through her as she realized what she had to do. For his sake, she would leave him, now, tonight. In time, he would forget her. He might even find someone else to love. In time.

She laughed softly as she wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and crept down the stairs and out the front door. If there was one thing Alex had plenty of, it was time.
Chapter Twenty-five
She was soaked to the skin, chilled to the marrow of her bones, by the time she reached Nana's. The house was dark, the front door locked. Her Camry was parked in the driveway. Nana must have had it towed home from the hospital in Grenvale.

Making her way toward the rear of the house, Kara took the key from