twitching; not a good sign. “I think I have a right to know. I brought you out here for a few reasons. One of them was to see if we have a future together. If we’re ever going to get past what happened, if we’re ever going to be like we were, then you need to talk to me.”
I didn’t answer right away, shocked beyond speech that he would bring this up now. His grip on me was too tight to pull away from, and the intimacy of the moment was completely shattered by sudden memories of being at the vampire’s beck and call. Panic at being imprisoned by Chaz’s hold subsided as I reached for his other hand to grasp it in both of my own. He didn’t return the squeeze of reassurance I gave him.
“I want a future with you, Chaz. I can’t imagine being without you. You’ve saved my life, more than once, and stood by me during some of the toughest trials I’ve ever endured.” I lifted a hand up to his cheek, making him look at me. The hurt so raw in his expression cut me deeper than I would have expected, made it hard to say my next words. “When I was bound to Royce, I loved him.”
Chaz started to pull away, withdrawing his arm from around me. My hand fell to his shoulder, holding him there while I straddled his waist, preventing him from rising. He glared up at me, brows furrowed and teeth suddenly bared in an angry sneer.
“Don’t,” he growled. “You’ve said enough.”
“Chaz, shut the fuck up and let me finish,” I snarled back. Startled, he leaned back, anger still glinting in his icy blue eyes, but some of the tension trickling out of him as he settled down beneath me. “I loved him because I had to. I had no choice. Do you understand? It wasn’t real. His blood made me want to be with him and do what he said. Hell, I couldn’t have said no if he’d really pushed me to let him touch me or drink my blood. He never asked, but I wouldn’t have been able to say no if he did. That’s nothing like what we have. I’m with you because I have a choice, and because I care about you. I won’t blindly do what you say—but if I did, is that how you’d want me?”
He stared up at me, anger and confusion and hurt warring with a sudden understanding. He knew now, knew what neither of us had had the courage to say since I ran on bloodied feet from the divided loyalties that waited for me in Royce’s shadow.
When he answered, his voice was low, hardly a whisper.
“No.”
Not satisfied, I bunched up his shirt in my fists, anger getting the better of me the more I thought about it. Chaz couldn’t possibly understand what it had been like for me. How hard it had been to stay sane, stay me, and walk away when it was over. Worse, wrong or not, he still felt jealous of the vampire for having some part of me he’d never touched.
“I craved his blood, Chaz. He could have kept me there, given me more when I begged for it, and made me his. He didn’t. He let me go. Don’t blame him for doing what he thought he had to do to keep me safe.”
“Why not, Shia?” Chaz grabbed me by the shoulders, startling me when he reversed our positions, his legs now on either side of my hips. Cold water from the pool bit at my toes and seeped into my shirt from the grass under my back. His weight on my legs was light, but I couldn’t sit up. “Why shouldn’t I blame him? Hell, we’ve slept together, but you two were more intimate than we’ve ever been. You’re bound to him by blood and by contract. Do you want the leech instead? Should I let you go?”
If not for the tears in his eyes, I would’ve been offended. I hadn’t realized the depth of his hurt until now. He was angry, so angry, but that anger was built upon something neither of us had any control over.
With a low growl, I answered him in the only way I could think of that wouldn’t hurt him more. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled myself up to kiss him, not letting him draw away when he jerked back. Digging my nails into