dinner down. Seriously, you think I like this?” He gestures to the space between us. “You think I like beating the shit out of my best friend, even though I can’t even blame him?” He lifts a shoulder in a belligerent shrug. “Because I can’t. The two people I love most in this world love each other. It’s the only thing that’s made sense to me in years.”
I look at him, my jaw gone slack. “Then why—!”
“Because that’s not how this works!” he yells, voice cracking. “You don’t get to do what we did, and then just act like we fucking deserve to be anything more.” He swipes a knuckle under his nose, head shaking. “Nah, dude. You and me? We made our bed.”
“Emory…” I rub my eyes, not unaware of the irony of what I’m about to say. “Vandy doesn’t blame you, and even if she did, she would have forgiven you ages ago. Fuck, she’s already forgiven me.”
He peers at me through a slitted eye. “When?”
“That night she fell asleep at my house.”
Emory scoffs derisively. “You had no right to ask for that.”
“I didn’t ask.” I shrug. “You need to forgive yourself, you can’t just—you can’t just keep living your life like it’s a goddamn prison sentence. It’s not what she wants, and the more you do it…” I sigh, head feeling heavy. “You’re driving her away, Em.”
He rests his elbows on his raised knees, picking at his bruised knuckle. “It’s not that simple.”
“Don’t I fucking know it.” Sensing an ‘in’, I carefully choose my words. “When I got here, Vandy was lonely and isolated, and I get how this all looks. But I was all of those things, too.” I make sure he’s looking me in the eye when I promise, “I never took advantage of her. In fact, she’s the one who kissed me first. I’ve let her take the lead for every step of this. That stupid fucking destructive protectiveness you feel toward her? You think I don’t feel that way, too? Because I do. You have to know that, Em.”
“You knew it was wrong,” he says, voice rough. “That’s why you kept it a secret. You knew, Reyn.”
“It doesn’t feel wrong.” My head thumps against the car. “I just knew you’d never listen and—I’m not special here, Em. You would have kicked anyone’s ass. Don’t pretend I’m wrong. No one could ever be good enough.”
He takes in a long, bloody sniff, and doesn’t argue.
“But no one would treat her as good as me, Em. No one.”
After a long pause, he mutters, “Yeah,” and looks away, eyes tight. “I know.”
“Then why,” and I hate the frustrated pleading in my voice, “why can’t you trust me with this?”
He’s quiet for a long beat. So long that I begin to wonder if he’s even heard me. “Sky’s about to open up,” he finally says, slowly and awkwardly pushing himself to his feet. “I need a hot shower, an ice pack, and a blunt.”
My shoulders fall in defeat. “Right.”
He sways on his feet before finding his balance, peering down his nose at me. “If you find a way to make this shit with Syd right,” he scoops up his jacket from the ground, “then maybe we’ll see.”
I blink owlishly up at him. “We’ll see?”
He flings out his arms. “It’s not a formal blessing or anything, I’m just saying if you manage to unfuck the mess her head is probably in right now, then I’ll be a lot more fucking inclined.”
I thrust out my hand, and after a long, silent stare, he grips it and shakes.
Ten minutes later, I’m still sitting there on the pavement, thinking over this issue of unfucking the situation. I’m not stupid. He probably thinks there isn’t a chance. That’s probably why he was laughing so hard before, because in the end, he didn’t even need to come between us. But he has to be wrong.
He has to be.
The parking lot is mostly empty, save for the car at my back. At some point, the rumble in the distance descends into a spattering of fat, wet sprinkles, but I’m not ready to move yet. I’m guessing most of the people went off to after-parties, which is confirmed when some of them begin returning to the parking lot, collecting their cars, one by one.
That’s how I discover who the car I’m currently propped against belongs to.
“Um,” comes a haughty voice. “Excuse me. You’re on my car!” I peer up at the girl standing before me, car