expression of defense on her face. “Even if I’d known, Johnny, I don’t think I could have waited. Four-and-a-half years is a long time.”
“Yeah, it is,” he said. “That’s a hell of a long time. You want to hear something morbid? I got them to bring me four years worth of news magazines just so I could see who died. Truman. Janis Joplin. Jimi Hendrix—Jesus, I thought of him doing “Purple Haze” and I could hardly believe it. Dan Blocker. And you and me. We just slipped away.”
“I feel so bad about it,” she said, nearly whispering. “So damn guilty. But I love the guy, Johnny. I love him a lot.”
“Okay, that’s what matters.”
“His name is Walt Hazlett, and he’s a ...”
“I think I’d rather hear about your kid,” Johnny said. “No offense, huh?”
“He’s a peach,” she said, smiling. “He’s seven months old now. His name is Dennis but we call him Denny. He’s named after his paternal grandfather.”
“Bring him in sometime. I’d like to see him.”
“I will,” Sarah said, and they smiled at each other falsely, knowing that nothing of the kind was ever going to happen. “Johnny, is there anything that you need?”
Only you, babe. And the last four-and-a-half years back again.
“Nah,” he said. “You still teachin?”
“Still teachin, for a while yet,” she agreed.
“Still snortin that wicked cocaine?”
“Oh Johnny, you haven’t changed. Same old tease.”
“Same old tease,” he agreed, and the silence fell between them again with an almost audible thump.
“Can I come see you again?”
“Sure,” he said. “That would be fine, Sarah.” He hesitated, not wanting it to end so inconclusively, not wanting to hurt her or himself if it could be avoided. Wanting to say something honest.
“Sarah,” he said, “you did the right thing.”
“Did I?” she asked. She smiled, and it trembled at the corners of her mouth. “I wonder. It all seems so cruel and ... I can’t help it, so wrong. I love my husband and my baby, and when Walt says that someday we’re going to be living in the finest house in Bangor, I believe him. He says someday, he’s going to run for Bill Cohen’s seat in the House, and I believe that, too. He says someday someone from Maine is going to be elected president, and I can almost believe that. And I come in here and look at your poor legs ...” She was beginning to cry again now. “They look like they went through a Mixmaster or something and you’re so thin ...”
“No, Sarah, don’t.”
“You’re so thin and it seems wrong and cruel and I hate it, I hate it, because it isn’t right at all, none of it!”
“Sometimes nothing is right, I guess,” he said. “Tough old world. Sometimes you just have to do what you can and try to live with it. You go and be happy, Sarah. And if you want to come and see me, come on and come. Bring a cribbage board.”
“I will,” she said. “I’m sorry to cry. Not very cheery for you, huh?”
“It’s all right,” he said, and smiled. “You want to get off that cocaine, baby. Your nose’ll fall off.”
She laughed a little. “Same old Johnny,” she said. Suddenly she bent and kissed his mouth. “Oh, Johnny, be well soon.”
He looked at her thoughtfully as she drew away. “Johnny?”
“You didn’t leave it,” he said. “No, you didn’t leave it at all.”
“Leave what?” She was frowning in puzzlement.
“Your wedding ring. You didn’t leave it in Montreal.”
He had put his hand up to his forehead and was rubbing the patch of skin over his right eye with his fingers. His arm cast a shadow and she saw with something very like superstitious fear that his face was half-light, half-dark. It made her think of the Halloween mask he had scared her with. She and Walt had honeymooned in Montreal, but how could Johnny know that? Unless maybe Herb had told him. Yes, that was almost certainly it. But only she and Walt knew that she had lost her wedding ring somewhere in the hotel room. No one else knew because he had bought her another ring before they flew home. She had been too embarrassed to tell anyone, even her mother.
“How ...”
Johnny frowned deeply, then smiled at her. His hand fell away from his forehead and clasped its mate in his lap.
“It wasn’t sized right,” he said. “You were packing, don’t you remember, Sarah? He was out buying something and you were packing. He was out buying ... buying ... don’t know.