The Davenport Christmas Chronicles - Piper Davenport Page 0,56
too,” I retorted.
My big brothers actually hated it, they were all Guinness all the time, but Mouse didn’t need to know that. He grinned even bigger and gave me a chin lift.
“Have a seat,” I instructed, and he sat at my two-person dining table.
Over the next half-hour, we ate in relative silence. I had a difficult time swallowing anything, so I made a good show of pushing my food around my plate.
After letting this go for close to fifteen minutes, Mouse dropped a rib on his plate with a sigh. “Right, we’re done with this shit. Talk now, eat later.”
He stood, taking his plate (and mine) to the sink and washing his hands. Once he was done, he held one hand out to me, and I let him lead me to my sofa. “What’s goin’ on, Kennedy?”
“You have to promise you’ll let me talk until I’m done. No interrupting.”
He nodded.
“I’ve had a weird dating life. I had a couple of high school boyfriends and they were fine, but they kind of bored me, so when I met Seth, he offered a little more excitement and I thought I’d found someone with whom I could explore my sexuality.”
Mouse scowled, his hands fisting, but he didn’t comment.
“At first, it was exciting, but then, as you know, it wasn’t.”
A few years ago, Seth and his cousin, Thomas, had worked in tandem to kill several women in the Savannah area. Seth was currently in federal custody where he’d cut out his own tongue to ensure he didn’t snitch on anyone. He was still there, in prison, unable to speak or eat, being fed through a tube.
“But it was gradual, his abuse. I almost didn’t realize it was happening, because I’d push back and use our safe word, and he’d stop. But then he didn’t stop, and he’d blame me for letting things go too far. It’s taken me a long time and a lot of therapy to get to the point where I feel like I’m coming back to myself. You don’t know this but other than a one-night stand with Gabe, you’re the first man I’ve slept with since Seth,” I explained.
“Gabe’s a dick,” he hissed.
Gabe was Michelle’s brother, and Mouse was right, he was a dick. I mean, he wasn’t to most people, but he and I had never liked each other, even before I slept with him. My one-night stand with him was the result of too many shots of tequila and Gabe’s willingness to go down on me. But the sex had been awful, and I didn’t like him any more the next day, so we were back to being barely cordial at public gatherings.
“I know,” I agreed. “But even if he wasn’t, I would have ended things. Like I’m doing with you. We can never be anything more than this, Declan. I can’t give you something I don’t have to give.”
“What do you think I want?”
“Emotions. Commitment... Kissing. You know, intimacy...like spooning and talking after sex.”
He dragged his hand over his beard, something he did when he didn’t want to admit I’d just said something he couldn’t contradict. I knew it irritated the shit out of him, but I had to give him credit, he didn’t show it... much.
“I’ve thought a lot about what you said to me in the van that night, and it’s time we just cut this off.” I bit my lip. “Will you give me that?”
“Baby, you’re askin’ me to give you something you don’t actually want.”
I let out a frustrated groan and dropped my head back, staring at the ceiling. “Mouse—”
“Hear me out.”
I met his eyes and waited.
“I know you’ve been to hell and back, Kennedy. I’ve watched you change and finally find your way back to yourself, as you explained it. I’ve also watched you pull away from your friends, baby. Losing Remington to Portland and Michelle to the ground took more from you than you seem to be willing to admit.”
My nose stung as tears threatened to form. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fuckin’ fine, Kennedy.”
“Stop.”
He sighed. “I’m not goin’ anywhere, yeah? I’ll give you space, but I’m here when you’re ready.”
“I will never be ready, Mouse. That’s what you’re not getting.”
He shook his head. “I call bullshit.”
I dropped my face in my hands with a groan. “Why do you always call bullshit when I’m spilling my heart out to you?”
“Oh, is that what you’re doing?”
“Are you seriously saying that to me?”
“What have you told me that I didn’t already know?” he challenged.