teacup in my palms, hoping to leach some confidence from its heat. Ari has done a beautiful job setting me up, even though that’s not what any of us intended.
Please, pra Buddha cho, let my parents remember what they said about wanting us to be happy. About supporting us, for always.
“I have a confession as well,” I say.
Papa extends his arm behind Mama’s chair, touching her shoulder. She jumps, because she’s not used to his newfound penchant for casual touches.
And neither am I. Let’s hope this small change portends a larger shift in their attitudes.
“You don’t know this, Papa, but I kissed Mat the other day,” I begin.
He flinches so hard that I’m surprised his teacup doesn’t crack. But although his face turns the color of a mangosteen, he must sense there’s more, because he gestures for me to continue.
I look down at the pale-yellow liquid. A few chrysanthemum buds gather at the bottom of my cup, but try as I might, I can’t read them like tea leaves.
“I told Mama the kiss didn’t mean anything,” I say. “That I was just trying it out, the way you experimented with cigarettes. But I was lying. The truth is, I really care about Mat. I might even love him. And not just as a friend.”
I take a deep breath. This is it. The moment I put my love on the line…for love. My eyes find my sisters, sitting at the opposite end of the table. Bunny’s fiddling with the pack of dried chrysanthemum buds, and she shoots one of the buds into her empty teacup. Ari flashes me a thumbs-up and mouths, She scores!
And I know, no matter how my parents react, that this is fitting. This is right.
I need to embrace my true self, and they can accept me or not.
Love me or not.
“I don’t want to practice any more. I don’t want to pretend any longer. With your permission, I’d like to date Mat for real.”
The silence is expected. But oh, not the length. Not the depth and height. I count one hundred seconds. Bunny stops shooting chrysanthemum buds to cross her fingers, and Ari puts away her phone, where she’s probably been texting Sabrina. My parents hold an epic eye conference that rivals my sisters’.
“Well. This is unprecedented,” Papa says finally. “We’ve never let you girls date in high school before.”
“Um, news flash,” Bunny says, taking more chrysanthemum buds out of the package. She’s worked through half of the bag already. “Mat and Winnie have been dating. That’s how this whole thing started. Because of your rules.”
Mama whisks away Bunny’s teacup, filled with the dried buds. I think she’s going to scold my sister for wasting them, but she simply swaps out the full cup with her own empty one. “Fake dates,” she clarifies. “Why do you think I went to so much trouble to model them after the movies? To remind the kids—and us—that these dates are fictional and not real.”
This conversation isn’t proceeding the way that I wanted. They’re not coming around as quickly as I hoped. Can a twenty-month age gap, the difference between college and high school, really matter so much?
Apparently so.
I need to tell them more. To explain more of what’s in my heart.
“I’ve never asked you to reconsider your rules,” I say. “Ari and Bunny are always forging new ground. They’re constantly making you question your decisions and adapt. But not me. My rules were always handed down to me, and I’ve never asked you to change them. Well, I’m asking you now. Not as the youngest of your three daughters. Not as an extension of the twins. But as me. Winnie.”
I take a deep breath. “I know your rules are designed to make my life easier. I know you want to save me from heartache. And I was always happy to go along with your wishes because I wanted to please you. I wanted to be the good Thai girl.” I lick my lips, but it doesn’t do any good, since my tongue is furnace-dry. “I needed you to love me.”
“Oh, Winnie,” Mama says immediately. “You know our love for you is unconditional.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know that, though. That’s part of the problem. But I’m realizing now, maybe that’s my fault as much as anyone’s. Because I never told you how I felt or what I needed. I thought…” I falter again. My sisters nod reassuringly, which gives me the strength to continue. “I thought that I always