“Seriously?” I grumble. “Must you always skip fifty million steps? I haven’t even kissed him yet.”
The “yet” slips out accidentally. I shut my mouth so fast that I bite my tongue.
Yelping, I drop the spatula and hold a hand up to my mouth. My elbow bumps into a stack of paper plates, spilling them to the ground, and the pancakes start burning.
Holy macaroni. This is not my day.
Mama takes a new, clean spatula out of a shopping bag and nudges me aside. Expertly, she removes the pancake from the heat and pours more batter on the griddle.
“I’m a pediatrician,” she says calmly, which just figures. So like Mama to sound the fire alarm, only to revert to the voice of reason. “I can recite to you the statistics surrounding teenage pregnancy. So you can’t blame me for asking the question. I have another. Do you need any contraceptives?”
I grit my teeth. “Oy tai, Mama. No.”
“I’m just asking,” she says, still composed, still serene. “It’s always better to ask.”
Before I can respond, Papa emerges from the crowd. He deposits two plastic bags of fresh bean sprouts on the table and pulls out a pan to start grilling them. “Good morning to two of the four loves of my life.” Glancing around furtively, he leans over and kisses Mama on the cheek.
I blink. “Hey. I saw that.”
Mama turns chili-pepper red. “Papa!” she says furiously. Once upon a time, they must’ve called each other by their nicknames. But for as long as I can remember, they’ve used the same name for each other as their daughters use. “What are you doing?”
I understand her outrage. PDA is particularly un-Thai. Uncommon for adults and unheard of for a good girl in her teens.
I don’t think I’ve seen any of the aunties and uncles of the older generation kiss each other, ever. They tell the filthiest jokes at the dinner table. They stay up until six a.m. on New Year’s Day singing karaoke. But the lips of one spouse never touch another’s in public.
Papa adjusts his wire-rimmed bifocals. “I just read this article,” he explains. “A person needs at least twelve hugs a day in order to thrive. With the twins gone, our daily allotment of hugs has dropped significantly. And I thought this would be a good way to up our supply.”
“That was a kiss, not a hug,” Mama retorts. She begins to plate the hoi tod and gestures for me to flip over the sign that states that the station is open for business once more.
“Your hands were busy,” Papa says practically.
I try not to giggle. I love my parents, as exasperating as they are. “Hey, can I hug people, too?”
“No,” they respond in unison.
“Do you want me to shrivel up and die?”
“Of course not. That came out wrong.” Papa darts a look at Mama, as though asking her permission, and then returns his attention to me once again. “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. And, well, my first instinct is to suggest that you not hug, since I’m your father. But I have to face reality, too. You’re dating now, and so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that you might kiss someone. Among, uh, other things.” He winces. I wince even harder. “Winnie. We need to have a talk.”
“A talk?” I repeat warily. “About what, exactly?”
The tops of his cheeks turn pink. “I’ve been reading all sorts of articles, preparing for this moment. I’ve never had to do this before, you know. Your school offers sex ed, and goodness knows, the twins never seemed to want my help. Besides, they didn’t date in high school, so it was never an issue.” He whips out his phone, scrolling through the screen. “Hold on just one second. I’ve created graphics.”
My eyes widen. Holy moly. The twins may never have had this experience, but this is a first that I don’t want to have.
“Ah, here it is,” he says. “So you see, a male has a body part, called a penis, while a female possesses what is called a vagina—”
“Ahhh!” I cover my ears. “Make him stop. Mama, for all that is holy in this wat, please make him stop.”
“Now, now, Papa.” She ladles batter onto the grill. “Is this absolutely necessary?”
“Those words never have to come out of your mouth, ever,” I clarify.
He puts down the phone. “But I made a PowerPoint presentation so that I could be sure I got the explanation right. Don’t you want to see my