in my heart was old, familiar territory for me. She stood in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen, her arms folded. She didn't seem shorter than me now. Her anger filled the space.
"The Voodoo Heart Temple is empty," she said. "Locked up, closed, and everyone inside gone to ground. Can you explain to me exactly what the fuck you were thinking?"
Aubrey, just behind me, took a step forward like he was going to protect me. Chogyi Jake was sitting on the counter by the kitchen sink, and I was pretty sure he would have jumped in if I'd given him an opening. Of my three guys, only Ex seemed as pissed off as Karen.
"I didn't go there to get involved," I said. "I was just walking, and I guess it was on my mind. I wound up there, and when I did-"
"You thought, I know what would be fun. I'll tell the enemy we're here," Karen said. "And now, I'm back at square motherfucking one. That's great."
The words stung. I felt my jaw sliding forward, my lips pressing tight. I felt the crushing weight of having been a disappointment.
"Hey," I said. "There was a lot of weird going around last night. What about Mfume? Why would he take me to the hospital after I got hurt? And the rider that was after Sabine? It didn't look or act anything like the thing that jumped me when I got to town. That one was a snake, and this one-"
Karen growled and ran her hands through her hair. Her eyes seemed to spark with anger. Ex, leaning against the wall behind her, might have smiled, or it might only have been my paranoid imagination.
"I don't know. I don't have answers for any of that, and I can't get them, because I don't know where the bad guys are," Karen said. "I didn't bring you here for your cool Nancy Drew imitation. I wanted help getting Sabine to safety and then killing Legba. That was it. I had an advantage as long as I knew where they were, and you have pissed that away."
How many times had my parents given me a lecture like this? How could I have failed my test? Where had I been, and who had I been with? Why had I lied about whatever tiny thing it was? It all came back to the same thing, however they phrased it: how could I have been so stupid?
I could see my old room, my books, the cross over the bed, my CDs with all the Christian bands on top, and all the secular ones tucked at the bottom of the pile. I could smell the fake floral stink of my mother's favorite laundry detergent. The knot of guilt and shame and anger and outrage in my stomach brought all the details back with it.
I was twenty-three and on my own. I'd thought I'd grown up. I'd thought I was through with this. Stupid me.
"I saved Sabine Glapion's life last night," I said, my voice shaking. "That thing was going to kill her."
"You didn't save her," Karen said, "because it is still going to kill her. Only now, we don't have any way to stop it."
"How would things have been better had Sabine died in the street last night?" Chogyi Jake asked softly. Karen turned to him like a fighting dog that just noticed a new opponent, like my father shifting attention to my little brother.
"Don't, Chogyi," I said. "I'm okay. I understand you're upset, Karen, and I'm sorry that I tipped your hand. But I found Amelie Glapion once, and I can do it again."
"Your lawyer can, you mean," Karen said. "All you've done so far is fail and have someone save your ass at the last second. I'm not sure that's the kind of help I need."
The lump in my throat was an enemy. I couldn't speak around the humiliation. Karen gathered herself, shook her head, and forced out a slow, hissing sigh.
"Look," she said, "this isn't your fault, okay? It's mine. This is a big deal. It's hard, and I didn't understand how inexperienced you are. I was thinking about Eric and all of the things that he could do, all of the tricks that he knew, and I put you in his place. That was unfair of me, all right? I expected too much."
"I think we can regroup," I said. "There are still a lot of things that I can-"