let me tell you something, Mia—the best brawlers I ever met were the ugliest, too. Broken noses and missing teeth and cauliflower ears. Because the best way to learn to win is by losing.”
“I don’t—”
“Pretty warriors can’t fight for shit. You can’t know how sweet it is to breathe ’til you’ve had your ribs broken. You can’t appreciate being happy ’til someone has made you cry. And there’s no point blaming yourself for the kickings life gives you. Just think about how much it hurt, and how much you don’t want to feel that way again. And that’ll help you do what you need to do the next time to win.”
Sid crossed his arms and glowered as the thunder rolled.
“I give no fucks for whose cock you got spat from. I’m not leaving you.”
“Nor I,” Bladesinger said.
“Aye,” Butcher nodded. “Neither me.”
Mia hung her head, tears burning. She ran her hand across her eyes and drew a deep, shivering breath, thinking of some way she might sway them. But she knew Sid and the others well enough to know they were stubborn as mules, that a declaration like they’d just made was as solid as the stone beneath her feet. She could walk away, but they’d only follow. She could hide herself and Jonnen beneath her cloak and run, but that’d mean leaving Ash and Tric behind …
She slumped down, close to the firelight, not close enough for it to warm her. And mutely, she shook her head and acquiesced.
“Right,” Sid nodded. “So, we find this Naev, see what she says.”
“We still have to cross the Sea of Sorrows,” Ash pointed out.
“Six hundred miles from Amai to Last Hope,” Bladesinger murmured. “With the Ladies of Oceans and Storms trying to drown us every inch of the way.”
“Well, let’s burn that bridge when we arrive at it,” Sid sighed, dragging his hand over his scalp. “It looks like we’re going to be waiting here ’til Nalipse gets bored or the suns burn off a few of these clouds.”
“You should all try and get some sleep,” Mia said softly.
They all looked at her, suspicious and uncertain.
“Every Blade I knew in Galante Chapel is dead now,” she said. “So I doubt there’ll be anyone on our trails for a while. But Tric, can you keep watch up top, just in case?”
The boy nodded, his confession of love hanging like an unanswered question between them.
“I CAN DO THAT.”
“What about you?” Ash asked. “You need to sleep, too, Mia.”
“I will,” she nodded. “I’ll wake Sid in a few hours. Get some rest.”
“You’re not going to try anything foolish while we sleep, aye?” Sid asked. “Stealing off into the storm like a thief and leaving us behind?”
“You know where I’m going.” She shook her head. “You’d only follow.”
“Damn right we would,” Sidonius scowled.
“So get some sleep, Sid.”
The group were still a touch groggy from the Swoon, and ultimately it didn’t take much convincing to settle them back down by the flames. Ashlinn snuggled up with her back against Mia, Jonnen was curled close by. Sid stayed awake for an hour or more, pretending to sleep but watching her through his lashes.
Mia simply watched the fire.
The wood they’d brought in earlier from the rain had mostly dried, and the blaze was burning fierce, giving out a warmth she was barely able to feel. Tric patrolled the levels above, glancing at her every now and then with those bottomless eyes.
Mia stared at the flames instead.
Stoking the fire in her own chest. Feeling it like a living thing. She was worried for her friends. Grateful that they’d chosen to stay with her despite it all. She was tired and sore and afraid. But mostly, she was just sick of this bullshit. Of Scaeva and the Church. Of others being hurt because of her. Of always being outnumbered, of constantly being on the back foot. She was headed into the fire, she knew it. Right into a house of wolves. But truth told, she welcomed the thought. Because along with the fury, she could feel the dark swelling inside her, too. Remember the anger pooled black and deep beneath Godsgrave’s skin, the rage of a god laid low, a rage she’d always carried, her whole bloody life.
Anais.
The figure from her dreams, wrought of dark flame, crowned with a silver circle on his brow. Murdered by his father. His mother imprisoned in the Abyss for eternity.
Mia’s father had tried to murder her, too. Locked her mother in the Philosopher’s Stone to languish