“My brother died in that attack on the Quiet Mountain,” Ash continued. “And I never whined about it. Never once asked if you had anything to do with it.”
“I didn’t kill Osrik, Ash,” Mia said, taken aback. “It was Adonai.”
“That’s not the point,” Ash replied. “I didn’t ask because it doesn’t matter. Whatever you did, you did it because it needed to be done. Remorse is for the weak, Mia. And regret is for cowards. Whatever you did then meant you can be here in my arms now. That makes it right. And I’m not about to let some bollocks about moons and suns take that away from us.”
Thunder rolled again, as if the Lady of Storms were eavesdropping at the window. Mia blinked as the lightning flickered, shadows strobing on the walls. Dragging on her cigarillo and breathing smoke into the air.
“I’m dreaming, Ashlinn,” she confessed. “Every nevernight. I see my mother and father. Except they’re not my mother and father. They’re arguing. About me. And when I look at my reflection, there’s someone standing behind me. A figure made of black flame, with a white circle scribed on his brow.”
“… What does it mean?”
“I’ve no idea. Hence my desire to see the whole board, Ash.”
“I don’t want to feel like I’m a piece on a board,” Ashlinn said, a touch of desperation in her voice. “I don’t want us to play this game anymore. I want us to get Mercurio out, get Scaeva dead, and then just get gone from all this. Someplace quiet and far, far away. You and me.” Ash pouted. “I suppose Jonnen can come. If the little smart-arse learns to keep a civil tongue in his head. But he gets his own room.”
“Is that how you see this playing out?” Mia asked, cigarillo bobbing on her lips. “Shacked up in some cottage? Flowers in the windowsill and a fire in the hearth?”
Ash nodded. “And a big feather bed.”
“Really?” Mia dragged deep, squinting against the smoke. “Us? Me?”
“Why not?” Ash asked. “My da built a house on the shore of Threelakes. North of Ul’Staad. The hollyhock and sunsbell grow so thick, the whole valley smells like perfume. You should see it. The lake is so still, it’s like a mirror to the sky.”
“I’m…” Mia shook her head. “I’m not sure I’m cut out for a life like that…”
Ash lowered her eyes, her voice a murmur.
“You mean a life with me.”
“I mean…” Mia sighed, trying to form her thoughts into words. “I mean I’ve never even thought about what I’ll do after this. I’ve never imagined a moment where this wasn’t my life. It’s all I’ve been for eight years, Ash. It’s all there is.”
Ashlinn leaned in and kissed her, hand to her cheek, fierce and tender.
“It’s not all there is,” she whispered.
Mia looked into Ashlinn’s eyes, saw them shining with almost-tears. Reflecting the lightning crawling across the dark skies outside.
“I love you, Mia Corvere,” she said. “Everything you are. But there’s so much more to you than this. I know you might not see a life like that for yourself, but you can have it if you want it. I’m not going to lay here and say that you deserve it. You’re a thief and a killer and a hateful fucking cunt.”
Mia couldn’t help but smile. “Truth.”
“But that’s why I adore you,” Ash breathed. “And the more I live it, the more I realize ‘deserve’ has nothing to do with this life. Blessings and curses fall on the wicked and the just alike. Fair is a fairy tale. Nothing’s claimed by those who don’t want it, and nothing’s kept by those who won’t fight for it. So let’s fight. Fuck the gods. Fuck it all. Let’s take the world by the throat and make it give us what we want.”
Ash kissed her again, the taste of burning tears on her lips.
“Because I want you.”
She didn’t wait for reciprocation—Ash wasn’t the kind to declare affections just to hear them parroted back. No insecurity. No bait. The girl knew how she felt, she trusted Mia enough to share it, and that was all there was to it. Mia liked that about her.
But do I love it?
Ash settled in against her side, arms wrapped around her, squeezing tight.
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, to keep you safe, to see you through.” Ash shook her head, sniffing back her tears. “Nothing.”