“Thank you, my friend,” Mia had smiled. “Benito? Belarrio?”
Cloud had only grinned. “My loyalty only extends so far, Majesty.”
The scoundrel had bowed low again and turned back to the sea.
Mia wondered if they’d ever meet again.
They’d set off soon afterward, eight camels leading a four-wagon train out into the Ashkahi wastes. Not needing to sleep, Tric sat up front in the driver’s chair—they had only a few turns to reach the Mountain before Scaeva was gone, and the boy’s unearthly presence served to drive their animals a little harder. Hating camels almost as much as she hated horses, Mia had given all their beasts names in her head—Ugly, Stupid, Smelly, Cockeye, Dunghead, Tosser, Bucktooth, and, for the smelliest and ugliest of the lot, Julius.
Bladesinger rode in the front wagon with Naev, watchful eyes on the horizon. Butcher stuck close by Jonnen when he could—the man still trained the boy with his wooden swords whenever they stopped for a meal—but for now he was riding with Sidonius in the rear, the pair of them taking turns at beating on a large iron contraption to keep the sand kraken away.
Mia, Ashlinn, and Jonnen rode in the middle wagon, the canvas cover shielding them from the worst of the suns. Ash sat beside Mia, hand in hers. Jonnen sat opposite, dark eyes on his sister’s. Eclipse had returned to the lad’s shadow, and Mia could see he was a little more at ease. But despite his tender age, Jonnen was no fool—he’d overheard enough of their talk to realize his father awaited them in the Quiet Mountain. And he knew Mia’s intentions toward the imperator were less than gentle.
The boy had kept his own counsel for the first couple of turns. Practicing his bladework with Butcher and sitting quietly with Eclipse. But Mia could see it building inside him like floodwaters against a crumbling dam, until on the third turn after evemeal, he finally spoke.
“You’re going to kill him.”
Mia looked up into her brother’s eyes. Ashlinn was dozing, head in Mia’s lap. Mia had been gently reweaving the girl’s warbraids, long golden locks entwined between her fingers.
“I’m going to try,” Mia replied.
“Why?” Jonnen asked.
“Because he deserves it.”
“Because he hurts people.”
“Yes.”
“Mia,” the boy said softly. “You hurt people, too.”
She looked into those big dark eyes, searching the heart beyond. It wasn’t an accusation. Nor a rebuke. No matter what she was, the boy didn’t judge her for it. Her brother was a pragmatist, and Mia liked that about him. And though he’d been slowly warming to her over the past few weeks on the road, she wondered what they truly might’ve been if the world hadn’t ripped them apart before they could become much of anything at all.
“I know it,” she finally said. “I hurt people all the time. And that’s the riddle, little brother. How do you kill a monster without becoming one yourself?”
“I don’t know,” he replied.
Mia shook her head, staring out at the wastes around them.
“You can’t,” she sighed. “I’m not some hero in a storybook. I’m not someone you should aspire to be. I’m a ruthless cunt, Jonnen. I’m a selfish bitch. You hurt me, I’ll hurt you back. You hurt the ones I love, I’ll kill you instead. That’s just the way I am. Julius Scaeva killed our mother. The man I called Father. And I don’t care what they did to deserve it. I don’t care that they weren’t perfect. I don’t even care that they were probably just as bad as him. Because truth told, perhaps I’m worse than all of them. So fuck what’s right. And fuck redemption. Because Julius Scaeva still deserves to die.”
“Then so do you,” he replied.
“You thinking of trying, little brother?”
Jonnen simply stared. The slow trundle of the wagon rocking them back and forth, the clang of the ironsong breaking the still.
“I…”
Jonnen frowned. His lips pressed together. She could see the intelligence in him, just as fierce as her own. But in the end, he was still a child. Lost and stolen from all he knew. And she could see he was having trouble finding the words.
“I wish I had known you better,” he finally said.
“So do I.” Mia reached out, took his little hand in hers. “And I know I’m a shitty big sister, Jonnen. I know I’m awful at all this. But you’re my familia. The most important thing in my world. And I hope one turn you might find it in yourself to love