beeping. She threw almost everything she disliked into the water, as she felt the water was connected to her unhappy past.
Kongzi turns back and heads for their shack on the outskirts, which since Nannan’s disappearance feels to him more like a coffin than a home. He feels that he has nothing left now but the wounds on his body. He wishes he could dig a knife into his hand, so that for a moment he could forget his torment. As he walks along, he can remember carrying Nannan to her cot when she was a baby, the sound of her breathing contentedly into his neck, the feeling of her saliva dampening the collar of his shirt. He’d hold her close to his chest, patting her softly on the back until he was certain she was asleep, but as soon as he leaned over the cot to put her down, she’d pat his back with her little hand to let him know she was still awake. He remembers how, when they were living on the boat, Nannan would often shake him awake in the middle of the night and shout, ‘Stop making that horrible noise!’ and he’d quickly roll onto his side because Meili had told him he snores like a pig when he’s on his back. What haunts Kongzi most of all is Nannan’s unfulfilled yearning for Kong Village. He’d presumed that since she was only two when they left, she’d soon forget it. But nine years later, she still had vivid memories not only of his mother, but of the date tree in the yard and the snow that fell in winter. She said the snowflakes were black when they fell from the sky but turned white when they settled on the ground. He’d given her his word that they’d return to the village as soon as Heaven was born. Some memories can’t be blown away: they force their way back, flying against the wind, and hover stubbornly around the mind. But all his memories feel empty now. If Nannan doesn’t return, not even little Heaven will be able to fill the void she’s left. He feels guilty about selling Waterborn, and the pain it caused the family. Meili was so distraught, she ran away from home, and Nannan cried for weeks afterwards, begging him to bring Waterborn back. This is his punishment. For giving away a child he didn’t want, he has lost the child he loves. Why do people who leave their native soil always suffer a miserable fate?
Kongzi’s phone rings.
‘I’ve found Meili,’ Tang tells him. For the last five days, Tang has searched every Custody and Repatriation Centre in the province, and has posted missing-person notices on hundreds of websites. When Meili didn’t come home last night, Kongzi asked Tang to look for her as well.
‘Take her back to our shack,’ Kongzi replies. ‘I’m on my way there myself. It’s too dark to see anything now . . .’
The news wakens Kongzi from his daze. At least Meili has been found. Yesterday, she said she couldn’t bear to stay inside their shack another second because she could feel Nannan’s breath flowing from every object in the room. On the phone just now, Tang said he was going to take Meili to hospital as she seemed disturbed and confused. He’d found her sitting on a pavement, smashing a rock against the locked entrance of a sauna house. He said she was in such a bad way that if she passed Nannan in the street now, she probably wouldn’t recognise her.
As he proceeds through the dark, Kongzi flares his nostrils like a dog, trying desperately to sniff out the scent of his daughter from the confusion of toxic vapours. The smell he remembers most vividly is the musky scent of Nannan’s neck. Unlike the acrid chemical stench of Heaven’s air, this scent was earthy and natural and made him think of the soil, the seeds and the water that lie beneath the thick layers of electronic waste.
KEYWORDS: dimpled smile, green and shiny, pear blossoms, Bridge of Helplessness, memory cards, lotuses.
IN THE SOMBRE dark before dawn, Kongzi holds his torch in one hand and supports Meili with the other as they walk to the far edge of town along a channel choked with waste. This used to be a free-flowing river. The tethering posts once used by ferry boats can still be seen along the banks. The stone path is thickly littered with discarded rubbish. A few green fronds