from the altar and locked in a storeroom, deprived of daylight. Then Emperor Deng brought in his One Child Policy, and my temple was converted into a grain depot. Now, two decades later, it’s been demolished to make way for the Heaven Township Stock Exchange.’
‘Well, at least you’re in a nice place now.’
‘You think it’s nice having to squeeze myself into this dark corner, cheek by jowl with all the other gods, and rely on the offerings of strangers? I was only brought here on condition that I consent to be an ambassador for the wretched family planning policies. Have you read the slogan they’ve hung above my head, threatening women with forced sterilisations and abortions? What a wicked disgrace! For thousands of years I was the Goddess of Fertility and Childbirth, but this depraved dynasty has turned me into the Goddess of Fewer Births. Before long I’ll be the Goddess of Abortions! I tell you, death is much worse than life.’
‘Cheer up, Sacred Mother. You’ve been fortunate enough to experience the dual realms of life and death. Your blessings have protected countless expectant mothers and granted their babies safe births.’ Sensing Heaven begin to writhe and kick again, Meili straightens her back to give it more room to move.
‘Yes, I’ve tried to comfort myself with that thought. Although I’ve never been loved by a man, I’ve watched baby girls being born into the world, grow into women and then prostrate themselves before me, asking me to grant their own babies a safe birth. Seeing the joy that each new life brings to a family consoles my sad heart, but can’t fill the void of having no children of my own.’
‘Being a mother in this country isn’t easy, Sacred Goddess. If you returned to the world and fell pregnant, you’d soon start thinking you were better off dead.’
‘Mortals may feel no shame slaughtering innocent life, but if they force us gods to endorse their barbaric acts, what will become of the world? Praise be to Amitabha, Buddha of Infinite Light. I have said enough. It’s time for you to go.’
Just as Meili is about to get up and leave, she pauses and says to the statue, ‘Just one more thing, Sacred Mother. Six months after we fled our village, my second baby, Happiness, was murdered by family planning officers. But the baby’s spirit has followed me ever since, and has reincarnated a second and now a third time. It’s a peculiar spirit that seems to have no gender or fixed identity. Sometimes it seems to be lodged inside the fetus in my belly, sometimes it seems to be looking down at me from above. Sometimes I feel it’s looking back at me from a future realm, as though my present is its past. And on some occasions, I’ve felt that it exists in a completely separate realm that somehow overlaps with ours. But when I try to put these feelings into words, my mind spins and time seems to go into reverse. This third reincarnation has been the strangest. I should confess to you now: the baby has been inside me for five years. I’ve read of a woman whose pregnancy lasted sixty years, but when she finally gave birth, the baby was dead and as hard as stone. I can’t bear to think that I’ll never hold this child in my arms. Please help me, Sacred Mother.’
‘The infant spirit will follow you until it achieves successful reincarnation. If it can’t reincarnate before you die, it will return to your place of birth upon your death and reunite with your soul. Remember, the universe is in perpetual flux, changing constantly from yin to yang and from yang to yin, from being into non-being, then back again. If, through the cycle of deaths and reincarnations, you accept the flux and do not oppose it, eventually you will achieve a state of perfect peace and happiness . . .’
A crowd of pregnant women has gathered behind Meili, waiting to light their incense sticks before the Golden Flower Mother statue. Wiping tears from her eyes, Meili rises to her feet and kicks her numb legs about until the feeling returns. She pushes her way through the crowd, but when she reaches the entrance, there is no sign of Nannan. She remembers that Nannan has one hundred yuan on her, and presumes she’s gone to buy something to eat. She walks out onto the front steps and scans the food stalls below.