Dark Intentions - Charlotte Byrd Page 0,14

thought about it. It's just going to be too much of a burden."

"What are you talking about? Where are they?"

I leave the kitchen and walk around the dining room. When I don’t find them there, I head to the console table behind the couch where we usually pile up all sorts of envelopes and papers, which I keep meaning to get to.

Searching through everything, I find nothing. When I get back to the kitchen, my food is plated and she's holding a big thick envelope in her hand.

"I'm going to show you this, but I want you to put it in perspective, Jacqueline."

"What are you talking about?"

"The costs. I want you to consider the costs of all of this."

My face falls. It was such a long shot for the doctor at the Mayo Clinic to even take on my mom as a patient for her breast cancer diagnosis. But I hadn't considered how much it would even cost or how we would pay for it.

I grab the folder from her, rip into it, and scroll past the congratulations and all that welcome stuff to about the tenth page where they mention the costs.

"$250,000," I say, looking up at her, "a quarter of a million."

She nods.

"Are they insane?"

"There's a surgery involved and as you know, the cancer has spread somewhat."

"But you already had chemotherapy and radiation and all that stuff."

"Yes, exactly. And if you remember, I already owe about $150,000 in bills for all of that treatment."

"Okay, so we pay for it and that's it. What's there to think about?"

"Pay for it with what money, Jacqueline?" Mom asks, crossing her hands.

I feel like she's talking to me like one of her third grade students.

"I don't know, we put it on the credit cards like we did with the rest."

"The rest of the treatments were pay as you go. I took out some additional Medical credit cards. We maxed out all the others. We took a loan against the house."

I nod. I know all of this.

Suddenly I feel incredibly guilty for the fact that I don't have a good paying job to help pay for all of these expenses.

"Look, I'm not saying any of this to make you feel bad. This isn't your burden."

"Of course it is, you're my mother."

"All I'm saying is that we're pretty tapped out for all the medical bills that I have already paid, okay? And Michael's funeral, that set us back a good $10,000, so I just don't think this is in the cards for me."

"So what are you going to do, just give up?"

"I can do more chemotherapy or radiation here, but ..."

"No, if the Mayo Clinic and the doctors there think that you have a chance ..."

"Everything's experimental, okay? There are no guarantees."

"I'm not just going to stand here and watch you die, Mom."

"I don't think you have a choice. Eat your food,” she says and walks out, slamming the door to her room shut.

I melt into the chair and I pick up the fork and stare at the food before me, trying to figure out what I’m going to do.

10

Jacqueline

I can't sleep all night. I toss and turn and I try to figure out a way out of this mess. I take the packet to my room with me, read it over and over again looking for loopholes or options. They mention that they have their own financing, but financing requires credit reports, and both mine and Mom’s are pretty much tapped out.

I could get a job, but I'd be lucky to find something that pays $40,000 a year, and that's not going to get us any closer to paying off this quarter of a million dollar bill.

And the thing is that the paperwork here is convoluted as well, so they're dealing with terminally or almost terminally ill patients who will probably not be successful and will probably then not be able to pay the bill. Somebody else has to be the co-signer, and the majority of the money is paid upfront.

I go online and check my credit limits on all my cards. I can probably get another one. Everything is almost tapped out because I had been helping my mom pay down her other medical bills.

If she or I declare bankruptcy, these other bills will go away, but so will the credit cards for more money that can be borrowed.

I'm stuck.

I don't want to admit it, but she's right. We can't pay for this, and if we don't pay for this, then the