I think a part of me always did but didn’t want to take the risk.
I truly knew from the second she looked at Sacha and horror filled her face. I knew then she didn’t know where her father was. And if she did, she would have given her soul in that moment to save him from death.
What brought me out of the shadows and rekindled that spark of humanity inside me were her words, her pleas. She didn’t believe I was too far gone yet to be worse than her father.
I saw how Dominic looked. Like a shell. He looked like a fucking shell as we watched a man who didn’t deserve to be tortured being used as a pawn.
We aren’t good men. We aren’t anything close to law abiding citizens. Most call us ruthless, but we’ve never been heartless, merciless men who kill and torture mindlessly.
I might be on the verge of being such, but part of my heart hangs on to the man I used to be.
I’m not sure, however, if I can make it back to the person I was, or if I want to.
I continue to get lost in the scenery before me as I work through my thoughts. The view from here is the beautiful sea rolling into the shore, gracing the white sand beach. It’s as beautiful in the dark as it is in the bright sunlight.
It’s that view there that persuaded me to buy the island. Today it looks quite different to how it looked eight years ago. Back then it was just the house and the plot of surrounding land. In comparison to most islands it looked plain, but that was one of the things I liked about it.
To me it was tabula rasa. A blank slate. The place was perfect for me to do my own thing.
I was a different man back then. I never knew as Alyssa and I ventured across the grounds talking about our dreams I was going to lose her. I never knew I was going to lose Pa either, or Andreas.
The man I was back then was imaginative and creative. He still had hope he could have a life outside the hardship he’d endured as a child.
Today was the first time I felt like that guy.
It was just a spark of who I used to be, but I felt the old me pushing through the hardness of my heart as Isabella pleaded with me. I felt like my old self for a fraction of a second again when I realized she was telling the truth about her father.
I straighten up when I see Dominic walking along the beach. He’s smoking. I’m too far away to see what it is he’s smoking but I instantly think it’s drugs, until Candace comes into view. She rushes up to him and he takes her hand.
I watch them and they don’t look like the friends I’m used to, and not when he slips his arm around her, bringing her closer as they walk away.
I watch them until I can’t see them anymore. They look like a couple and I wish that my brother could see what’s always been in front of him.
The tension leaves my shoulders and I stand, deciding to go and see Isabella. I might be the last person she’ll want to see but it’s right that I check on her.
Sitting here for much longer will just make me a pussy licking his wounds.
I left Isabella’s door unlocked. I’m not sure if she realized that. I didn’t even think when I left earlier.
The lights are out and she’s lying on her side like she’s asleep, but I’m not convinced she is.
That doesn’t mean I’m going to leave.
It’s understandable she probably doesn’t want to speak to me. I can’t expect her to after everything that’s happened.
My worry is what to do now.
I sit in the armchair at the far corner of the room and shrug out of my shirt. It’s too hot to be wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt anyway.
I grab one of the unused napkins from the table beside me and make an origami rose out of it while I watch her. I make it and set it down on the table then I rest my head back against the chair and drift off to sleep.
I fall into deep slumber, but I’m always alert. I never drift off deep enough that I’m not aware of my surroundings or