said after a moment and bring me a…um…a Chub Steak. And make it…hmm…”
She looked at the star beside it again, recommending that this particular dish be ordered well done. Management not responsible for Chub ordered rare, it said. But honestly, she couldn’t stand well-done steak—it tasted rubbery and dry. She decided to order it the way she usually did—rare.
“Make it rare,” she said decisively. “Chub steak extra rare.”
At once the long, thin, crispy Tika-tika-boo-boo sticks and their devilishly hot dipping sauce disappeared and a silver platter with a matching silver domed lid appeared in front of her instead.
“Fancy,” Ali murmured, eyeing the silver dome with its elaborate gold and silver handle. It looked like a serving dish you’d get from room service at a Four Star Hotel—somewhere a ham and cheese sandwich would cost you fifty bucks plus tip.
Prepared to be amazed, she grasped the handle and lifted the large silver dome off the silver platter.
At first all she saw was what looked like a large mound of green and purple lettuce. Frowning, she poked at the lettuce with her fork. Was this it? Where was the steak?
Then she noticed that the lettuce was moving. It seemed to be quivering ever so slightly. Also…was it making a sound? Alli leaned forward and put her ear to the mound of lettuce. Sure enough, there was a quiet crunching sound coming from it. What was this stuff, anyway?
She poked at it with her fork again—harder this time—and was startled by a piercing squeak.
“Oh!” Alli gasped and dropped her fork with a clatter. The green and purple lettuce leaves shook and then a small, furry face looked out from between them. The fur was bright pink and the eyes were brilliant green, but other than that, it looked a lot like a guinea pig, she thought.
“Oh my goodness!” she exclaimed. “Just look at you! Is the rest of you as cute as your face, little guy?”
Reaching down, she carefully pulled the other lettuce leaves aside to reveal a plump, furry body that matched the face. It really did look like a guinea pig, Alli thought, other than the fact that it had a long, furry tail that looked like it belonged on a Golden Retriever or an Irish Setter. The tail was twice as long as the pink guinea pig creature’s body, when it was unfurled, and had long, feathery fronds floating all around it.
“So are you an extra rare Chub?” Alli cooed at the little creature. “I’m so sorry I poked you with my fork—I didn’t know you were in there. Hey, could I pet you, do you think?”
Moving slowly, she reached down to try and stroke the silky little head. But the Chub seemed to take a sudden fright at her gesture. As her hand came down, it reared up on its chubby hind legs and hissed at her, showing long, sharp, green teeth that matched its eyes.
Then its long, silky tail began to spin a little like a helicopter’s blades. Throwing lettuce in every direction, it lifted right off the plate. Still hissing at Alli, it zipped away, it’s chubby pink body dangling by its swiftly rotating tail.
“Wow.” Alli watched it go, feeling like she had the one time in college when she’d dropped acid. The little creature dived out of sight behind the bed and abruptly stopped hissing. She supposed she would have to try and find it later. This was definitely turning out to be the strangest meal she’d ever had.
Not that she’d gotten to eat much of anything. Her stomach growled again and she looked doubtfully down at the menu.
“I don’t suppose I could just have a chicken Caesar salad or a cheeseburger, could I?” she asked out loud. But nothing happened. Apparently she could only order from the menu.
The silver domed platter and the spilled lettuce disappeared to be replaced by a lovely china soup bowl. It was filled with steaming multi-hued blue broth that had pink and purple chunks floating in it.
Alli picked up a silver spoon and dipped it into the broth. In it were swirls of sky blue along with streaks of turquoise and navy and cerulean. It looked like someone had taken all blue crayons from a child’s box and melted them into a soup.
She wasn’t hoping for much, so she wasn’t surprised when the sip she took tasted a little like a cross between sweet dill pickle juice and Vietnamese fish