Darius the Great Deserves Better - Adib Khorram Page 0,73

photo the first week of school, before I got my hair cut, so my former halo of black curls framed my face.

“Your hair was so cute.”

“Yeah? Maybe I should grow it out again.”

I rubbed the back of my head.

Landon reached up and put his hand over mine. “Nah. It’s sexier this way.” He pulled my head down to kiss me.

I kissed him back, but not too hard: We were still at school, and it just felt weird to be making out in the halls of Chapel Hill High School.

The sound of echoing footsteps made me pause, my lips hovering over Landon’s. I opened my eyes and looked around, but I didn’t see anyone.

I rested my forehead against Landon’s. He slipped his fingertips under my waistband, right along my hip crease.

“You remember what we talked about?”

“Um.”

“My dad’s gone tonight.” He leaned in and kissed me again. “We’d have the house to ourselves.”

“Oh.”

My face felt so hot, I was surprised Landon’s forehead hadn’t melted into mine.

“Um.”

My heart raced.

“Want to come over?”

I almost wanted to.

Almost.

But what if Landon didn’t like the way I looked?

What if I was too big?

What if I was too small?

What if we didn’t fit together the way Landon wanted us to?

What if I didn’t like it?

What if I didn’t want it yet?

“Um.”

Maybe that was the only thing I was capable of saying anymore.

Landon looked up into my eyes.

“What do you say?”

I swallowed. “Nervous.”

“It’ll be fun. I promise,” he said. “I want this for us. Don’t you?”

“Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”

He frowned.

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I mean it’s a big step. For me.”

“Well. You’ve got to take it sometime. Right?”

I don’t know why it bothered me, the way he said it. Like I had to want sex.

There were lots of people who didn’t.

To be clear, I did want sex. I really did.

And I even thought maybe it would be fun to do it with Landon.

But every time I thought about it, it felt like the end of the world. I don’t know why, but it did.

I was scared.

I thought maybe I’d be ready for sex when that fear was overshadowed by the wanting. When the gravity of my desire shifted.

“I . . .”

Landon sighed. He opened his mouth but then glanced to the side.

We heard footsteps again, right around the corner. And voices.

“Dude, you struck out so hard.”

“Shut up.”

It was Chip and Trent.

“It was painful to watch. Like having teeth pulled,” Chip said.

“Whatever.”

“I’m not sure I can be seen in public with you anymore.”

“Like that’s new.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Chip asked.

“I mean I only see you at school, or when we’re watching Evie. It’s like you’re ashamed of me or something.”

“You’re my best friend.”

Someone’s shoe scuffed the floor. The squeak echoed down the hall.

Landon bit his lip and glanced between me and the corner where Chip and Trent stood, just out of sight.

We were trapped.

“Then why don’t you act like it?” Trent said. “You always . . .”

But whatever Chip was always doing, we didn’t find out, because they picked that moment to round the corner.

Trent stared at us—our arms around each other, Landon pressing me back against a locker—while Chip’s brow furrowed.

“Oh,” Chip said. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I said.

Trent’s lips curled. His eyes lingered where Landon’s fingers were still hooked under my waistband.

“Um.”

“Taking a break?” Chip said.

Landon nodded. “It was getting kind of stuffy in there.”

“I think we’re going to take off soon,” Chip said. “Seems like things are kind of winding down.”

“Oh.”

“We’re gonna go back to mine and play video games or something. A couple other guys from the team are coming. You two wanna join?”

I looked at Landon.

“I think we’re gonna go back to my place.” He grinned at me. “Spend a little time together.”

Trent snickered.

“Time to play the foreskinned fiddle?”

Time stood still, like we were all suspended on the event horizon of some black hole about to swallow us.

And I finally understood why Trent had started calling me D-Cheese, right after Chip saw me in the locker room.

My eyes met Chip’s for a split second. They were full of shame and panic.

“What the heck, dude?” he shouted.

And even though my ears were ringing, and I felt like a stellar nursery had ignited in my chest, I thought about that. How Chip said “heck” instead of actually swearing.

Trent just laughed. “What?”

Chip had this horrified look on his face. Like maybe he was the one who wanted to cry.

Landon looked at me, and then Chip, and then Trent, and then back to me. He studied my burning