gaze didn’t waver from mine, absorbing me and holding me captive.
I shook my head and tried to move away from him. “What’s going on?”
I didn’t like the look on his face. Something was up, and I wasn’t going to like it.
“I want to try something with you,” he slowly explained.
“Jump off an airplane? Scuba diving? Bungee Jumping? Rafting? Something stupid and thrill seeking?”
Maddox loved the adrenaline rush, loved any outdoor activity that would have my heart spilling out through my mouth. We went mountain biking a few weeks ago. Well, he did, and I watched from the sideline, convincing myself not to pass out.
It was too dangerous, too reckless… everything that Maddox needed in his life. The thrill and the rush through his veins. He lived for it.
Maddox shook his head, the expression on his face still too serious. “No, this isn’t about me. This is for you. But I want us to do it together.”
“Maddox, spit it out.” Nerves gnawed at my gut as I waited for him to speak.
Still holding me in his arms, Maddox turned us around, so I was facing his car, with my back against his front. I was trapped between him and the car.
My breath expelled through my lips with a harsh exhale, and my knees quivered. His hands landed on my hips, and his breath feathered next to my ear. He reached around me and pulled the passenger door open, his intention clear.
No. No. No.
I was already struggling against him before he could say a word. “Maddox–”
“Do you trust me?” He said in my ear.
“No, I don’t.” My throat convulsed, and every muscle in my body turned to ice. There was a roaring in my ears, and my heart pounded so hard it felt like it was about to beat right out of my chest. “I… can’t,” I wheezed. “Don’t make me do this.”
“Lila, do you trust me?” The baritone of his voice reverberated through my bones, commanding and strong – grounding me and forcing me to face reality. My hands shook, and I started sweating, even though the spring air was cold against my skin.
I swallowed. “No.”
“Don’t lie, Lila.” His hands tightened on my hips.
My lungs burned, and I couldn’t breathe.
The panic began with a cluster of sparks in my abdomen. My skin itched, feeling too tight around my flesh. My own body was causing me to suffocate. Chest heaving, breath coming out in gasps and tears threatening to fall, I crumbled to the ground. Maddox came with me, not letting go. My heart jumped in terror, in fear, and each breath I pulled into my body became painful.
Why? Why was he doing this to me? Why, Maddox?
There was a hurricane of emotions coursing inside me, threatening to burst through. I couldn’t stop shaking, my mind playing continuous tricks on me.
“Breathe,” Maddox said, his voice breaking through the chaos in my head.
“I… can’t.”
Breathe! Damn it, I told myself.
I clutched my chest and gasped. Ten… nine… eight…
The world around me slowed and became a blur, my blood turned to ice and my body felt… numb. There was a vicious pounding in the back of my head and the veins in my neck throbbed.
“I believe in you,” he whispered.
Seven… six… five… four…
“Breathe, baby.”
Three… two… one.
For the longest time, we stayed just like this.
My head lolled backward onto his shoulders. “Is this fun to you? Seeing me like this…?”
His lips brushed my temple, softly. “No. But I’m about to help you conquer your fear. You only live once, Lila.”
“I… can’t do it today,” I confessed.
Maddox shook his head. “Not today, not tomorrow… but maybe next week. We’re going to keep trying.”
My chin wobbled, and I nodded my head.
I did try. For five days, I tried. Maddox successfully got me closer to his car. Every day, he opened the passenger door, and I’d crumble to the ground, shaking and gasping.
Day by day, I tackled my past and pushed past my fear until my body threatened to give out.
On day six, I could barely step out of my grandparents’ house. My legs were shaking so badly that Maddox had to help me walk down the gravelly path to his car.
Again, my knees weakened, and I slumped forward.
A sob escaped past my lips as the crushing anxiety made its way into my body once again.
“I’m… sorry,” I choked.
Maddox waited for my panic attack to recede, his presence commanding and his hand steady on my back. He dominated my panicking, soothing me with a gentle touch.