to me and held my hand, I didn’t want him to let go.
I didn’t even cry at parents’ funeral until everyone was gone, and I was alone. Except the moment Maddox touched my hand – the dam broke, the cage around my heart shattered, and I hadn’t been able to stop crying.
We sat there for a long time. The sun was starting to go down, the sky turning a bright orange. I guess this place was called Sunset Park for a reason; it had the best sunset view.
“Do you believe in love?” Maddox asked, roughly.
What a strange question in a moment like this.
“Yes. But I've long decided that it's not for me. Not anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don't want to lose anyone else.” I’ve suffered enough loss for a lifetime, and I survived it, but I didn't want to test my luck.
How much pain can a person bear before they break down completely?
I was stronger than the magic of love.
I wrapped my arms around my knees and brought my legs closer to my chest. I laid my head over my knees and turned to look at Maddox. He was staring at my parents' headstones, looking thoughtful.
“Do you believe in love?” I asked him back. My cheeks felt tight from the cold and my dried tears. My face was probably blotchy and red, but I couldn’t find myself to care in the moment.
This was Maddox, my best friend.
He blinked, as if he wasn't expecting the question. “I don't know.”
Curious, I pushed for more. “What do you mean?”
“I used to think love was fake. It didn't exist. Love is too complicated and shit. No one belonged to me before. I was never close enough to love someone or to even understand the meaning of it.”
Wild emotions clogged my throat, and my heart flipped like a caged bird, beating its wings, looking for an escape.
“And what do you think now?” I whispered the question.
Maddox faced me, his blue eyes staring into mine, looking right through my cold exterior, pushing right through my walls and knocking at my caged heart.
When he spoke again, his voice was deep and rough. His words were a silent confession.
“Now, I have someone to lose, and I know it will break me. I know what it means to fear losing the person who means the most to you. That person has the power to destroy me.”
Silence fell upon us, and I couldn't find the words to convey what I was feeling. I turned my head away from his probing gaze and went back to staring at the headstones.
Seconds turned into long minutes, but we sat there in comfortable silence.
“Maddox?”
“Yeah?”
I took a deep breath and made my first promise to Maddox. “You won't lose me. Ever.”
He was quiet for a moment, and I thought I messed up, until his hand came into the line of my vision, and he showed me his pinky.
“Promise?” he asked softly.
I hooked my finger around his. Maddox was warm and familiar. He felt solid and safe. I wanted to cling to him and never, ever let go. “Promise.”
He flexed his pinky around me and then he smiled.
For the first time today, I smiled, too.
Pinky swear, me and you... forever.
24
Lila
“So, is it like…a date?” I asked. “A real date?”
I couldn’t see Riley’s face through the phone, but her giddiness was apparent as she let out a small squeal. “Well, yeah. I mean… he called, and he asked if we could grab dinner, and he told me to dress warm since it tends to get a bit colder at night,” she breathed, each word laced with excitement. “And Lila, his voice… over the phone… I think I almost orgasmed. Holy shit.”
I fell back on my bed, a wide grin spreading over my lips. “Honestly, I didn’t think Grayson was going to do it,” I said. “I mean, ask you out.”
He was so reserved, so quiet and didn’t mingle with the rest of the Berkshire students.
In fact, he was a loner.
Riley didn’t give up though.
She giggled, and I heard some rustling in the background. “It’s been three months. It’s about time he breaks down and ask me out. I can’t decide what to wear. Jeans or a dress? He said to put on something warm, but maybe a dress is fitting? Something cute or something sexy?” She paused, thoughtfully. “I don’t want to come across as easy or trying to fuck on our first date. But I also want to feel pretty and sexy.”