Hurting Maddox… pushing Maddox further from me was my way of dealing with it. I had been vulnerable… powerless, and it was my weak attempt at shutting down and protecting myself.
I wanted to believe that Maddox would never intentionally hurt me. I wanted to believe in him. After everything we had been through, his feelings for me were honest. I knew that with as much surety that I knew my own love for him.
After coming to terms with my own anger and my sense of feeling betrayed, I finally decided to meet up with Maddox. It was time for us to talk.
I wasn’t ready to put all of this behind us. The trust between us was fragile, a thin thread that could easily snap.
But I was willing to try.
Because I wanted Maddox. Needed him. Because our pasts should no longer have any control over our present… or our future.
I wanted to give us another chance. Forgiveness was the first step. I was willing to forgive him for keeping that secret. My mom never taught me to give up so easily, and Maddox was worth it.
He was worth the pain.
He was worth my love.
I walked out of class with a renewed determination. My gaze flickered to my, now, fixed phone, but there was no new messages or incoming calls. I texted Maddox an hour ago and had asked him to meet me at his place.
His class ended before mine. But there was no response from him, except radio silence.
It’s okay, I told myself. I can wait.
I walked down the path that led me off campus and toward the school residence. I counted the steps in my head, feeling my hands tremble in nervousness.
I told Maddox I would never give up on him, and I was willing to keep that vow. For him. For us.
Tugging my jacket closer to my body, I shielded myself from the cold. My gaze found the couples around me. Some were walking hand in hand. I caught one couple kissing. There was another one hugging by the bus stop, laughing… happy…
It was a cruel reminder of what I threw away… what I had lost. My pace quickened, as I tried to get away from all the loving couples.
I almost reached my apartment building… when something else caught my attention. A flash of familiar dirty blond hair. My feet slowed, and then came to a halt. I turned toward the coffee shop to my left.
Numbness took over, and my body froze on the spot.
When life hits you in the face, it hits you hard enough to give you goddamn whiplash.
My breath caught in my throat. Maddox occupied a table near the window. He wasn’t… alone. Bianca sat across from him. I blinked, as I tried to make sense of what I was seeing. My eyes lowered to her midriff. The sight of it was glaring back at me.
No, God. Please no. Please don’t be so cruel to me. No, please. No. No. NO.
The last time I had seen Bianca, she was wearing a baggy sweater. Today, she had a simple black camisole on. It molded around her curves and… her very round, very pregnant belly.
I started shaking, my whole body growing cold… and colder.
I felt the sting of tears in my nose, as I blinked, wishing this was all an illusion. But no matter how many times I blinked, the reality glared back at me.
His truth.
His secrets.
His lies.
Maddox and Bianca looked to be arguing. Her expression was heartbroken, as Maddox shook his head. She cupped her pregnant belly, and she was full on crying now. Bianca tried to reach for him, but he pulled away, like the mere idea of her touch would burn him.
I watched, as he pulled something from the pocket of his jacket. The world slowed down, and the colors faded away. I watched the scene in front of me, like a black and white movie with no sound.
I was still in the same spot when Maddox got up to leave.
He turned… his eyes locked with mine… Bianca gasped…
Maddox paled, and he rushed forward.
I took a step back…
And I ran. For the third time in a week, I ran from Maddox.
I pressed a hand over my face, as Maddox walked through the door, barging inside of his bedroom. I didn’t even realize I had found my way in here.
I missed this room. Missed sleeping in this bed, wrapped in his embrace. Missed his scent that lingered on our pillows and the mattress.