such force that I was afraid they would fold into themselves. When I coughed, agony strummed through my body, and my cracked lips parted with a silent scream.
Mom… Dad…
I couldn’t speak. The buzzing noise in my ears wouldn’t stop.
The taste of coppery blood pooled in my mouth; it tasted bitter, and I could feel it soaking my tongue and the inside of my mouth. Blood…?
No…
How…
What…
I remember…
The fight…snow outside… in the car… mom… dad… me…
I remember the screams…
My bones felt like they had been mangled together, and my chest, it was being carved open. I lifted my head up a bit and looked down at my chest to see… blood. Everywhere. So much blood.
I sucked in cramped air and tried to scream, tried to breathe, but my lungs refused to work.
No. No. No. Please. No. Oh God, no.
MOM, I wanted to scream. DADDY.
The pain never ended. The darkness never faded away.
My world tilted, swaying back and forth, and then crashed.
Christian Carmichael.
Carmichael.
Carmichael.
My gaze found his, and I saw no recognition in his eyes, as he stared at me with avid interest. He didn’t recognize me. Of course, he didn’t.
I was a nobody. Just like… eight years ago.
Christian Carmichael…Maddox’s childhood friend.
My past… my present… my life crumbled around me.
My heart bled at my feet… at Christian’s feet.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Sourness rose in my throat, and I almost choked on it. Acid clogged my veins, and my body started shaking. Someone was saying my name.
I can’t breathe.
I… can’t… breathe.
The air felt, so thick, I couldn’t inhale. The lump in my throat grew bigger and bigger, until it became too hard to swallow. I suffocated in plain sight.
Nobody noticed.
Nobody cared.
Christian Carmichael was still staring at me, and bile rose in my throat, tasting bitter on my tongue.
Did he see me?
Could he see who I was? Or did he… forget?
He did…
He forgot…
He didn’t know… didn’t remember…
Thud. Thud. Thud.
He forgot…
A shuddering breath escaped me, and my body felt too warm and then too cold. I swayed on my feet, and my head pounded, a searing pain in the back of my skull. My eyes twitched, and I took a slow step back.
“Lila.”
It was him. He said my name. Maddox said my name.
I looked away from Christian, and my gaze found Maddox. The horror in his eyes told me everything I needed to know.
The world spun and spun, and I fell off my axis.
Breathe.
Breathe.
FUCKING BREATHE!
I gasped. Maddox took a step forward, reaching out for me. “Lila,” he said my name again, begging me, pleading for me. He looked pained, his expression raw and panicked.
For the first time, I felt nothing for him. For his pain.
I felt… nothing.
It was too late.
My heart had withered and died.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
I still couldn’t breathe.
When Maddox touched my arm, my skin itched like thousands of tiny ants were crawling from underneath my flesh. I wrenched it away from his burning touch. My scars ached harder, not a ghostly echo, like I used to experience. No, the pain was so brutal, my body almost succumbed to it.
I ran.
From Maddox, from Christian Carmichael… from everyone… from myself.
I ran until my lungs gave out, and I stumbled out into the cold air.
I ran until my legs stopped working, and I slid to the ground, my knees digging into the muddy grass.
Breathe…
Breathe…
Breathe…
No… I didn’t want to breathe…
I wanted to go to my parents.
I didn’t want to breathe…
I wanted my mommy to hold me; I wanted my daddy to kiss my forehead and tell me everything was going to be okay.
“Lila.”
He whispered my name.
“Lila.”
His voice cracked.
“Lila.”
He came closer, and my body tensed at his close proximity. Standing on my weak legs, I buried my shaky hands in my gown and turned to face him.
Maddox.
My love.
My protector.
My mistake.
“Your childhood friend is my parents’ murderer,” I said, my voice dead and empty.
Maddox stared at me, his blue eyes sparked with guilt and hopelessness. His shoulders dropped, and he looked like he was about to fall to his knees.
He reached out for me, but I stepped back. “Lila.”
If it was Christian who killed my parents that night, then it was Maddox who smashed my heart to dust.
“You lied to me.”
12
Maddox
They say lies always find a way to catch up to you. Lies never stay hidden for too long. Secrets are never truly buried.
Lies and secrets can protect…but they also can destroy…
My secrets obliterated us. My secrets burnt my love for Lila to the ground.
It wrecked us.
I was the only one to blame, and Lila was my victim.