wondered what he thought of me, now that we could see each other clearly, now that whatever wrinkle it was, whatever upset in the general run-along pattern of events had brushed us up against each other, and held us in place until we could be let go. The marvel was that others had waited for us—for me, at any rate. I was not sure what Stef would do.
‘Lou,’ I said, ‘wouldn’t it be really nice if Hugo and his wife came round to supper one day?’
Lou said doubtfully, ‘It might.’
Hugo said, ‘Well, actually, I think I’m going to change my way of life. I don’t think you’ll see me on the dinner-party circuit any more.’
Lou said he’d never noticed him there in the first place, but that was just Lou. Some things don’t change and I wouldn’t want them to.
And I went back to Room 301 to change and presently walked out of the hotel dressed in the same clothes I had come in—the boring little black dress and the sand-coloured wrap. I couldn’t think why I’d bought either in the first place.
That night I listened to the tape Hugo gave me as his last gift, the brief record of his final interview with Eleanor Darcy.
Hugo and Eleanor walk down to the end of the garden
A: RULES? YOU WANT rules? You really can’t survive without a book of rules? Hasn’t the human race progressed at all? Can’t you decide, one by one, what’s right, what’s wrong? Do you have to continue to believe in groups? Do you have to believe in the God of your neighbours? Can’t you create one of your own? Surely you know enough by now about yourselves, your compulsions, your motivations, your sibling rivalries, your anal retentiveness, your territorial aggressions and so forth? Have your prophets and wise men, your therapists and social philosophers, taught you nothing? Is it so confusing that you just can’t begin to solve it at all; can’t work hard to build heaven on earth, but prefer to trust in the one after death? I don’t believe it. You underrate yourselves. So you’ll get no rules from me. I tell you this much, there is no excuse any more, you can’t claim ignorance: if you get Darcy’s Utopia wrong there’s going to be no forgiveness: it’ll be too late.
Then Hugo’s voice, a commentary:
Eleanor Darcy was trembling. The morning was chill. She had refused to put on a coat. I took her arm but she shook me off. The grass was bright with dew. The sun had reached the edge of the railway embankment. It dazzled.
Q: Can you be more explicit?
A: This is off the record?
Q: Of course. Who exactly is giving this forgiveness? God?
A: Good lord no, man, in whom I incorporate the lesser, woman.
God has no concept of fairness. Man must place himself above God. God is not the father: God is the child.
Q: Don’t you think that’s rather, well, enigmatic of you?
A: Be quiet. These things are difficult to get hold of. And I’m in a hurry. Sometimes I get things wrong. How can I not? I’m human. Man exists not to worship, not to glorify, but to comprehend God so that by that comprehension God can grow. How about that? That seems the gist of it. Sometimes there are not even words for the thoughts. Other languages might be easier.
Q: I’m not hot at theology.
A: Pity. Julian was starting up a new faculty of divinity when he got struck off. They said he would have been better advised cutting courses, not adding to them. Theology, they said, wasn’t sexy as a subject. Little did they know!
Hugo’s voice:
I asked if we should turn back, on the pretext that we were cold. The front room, the sofa with red roses, seemed preferable to the dazzle we approached. I was surprised that Brenda’s children seemed so ordinary, snotty, peevish. Fed by this source of light, they should be little gods. She did not hear me; she was clearly listening to something other than me; I was glad: my nerve returned.
Q: No rules about diet, or marriage, or sex? These are the messages which usually get through.
A: Well of course, but they’re so obvious we all know them. No beef, no sheep, no pig to be eaten: they are all ecologically unsound. Dairy products in moderation. Chicken, fish, so long as the animals breed and live naturally. Empathy must be found with the animal kingdom. If you must have more protein eat each