I spun around in the office chair, grateful for the excuse to abandon my reading for class. I propped my elbows on my knees and my chin in my palm. “Maybe for you. You’ve got stuff to do.”
It was nice, though, to have things start to go back to normal. With Crave finally out of the picture and the Vipers officially taken care of, we had a lot less to worry about. Things had finally started to settle back into a semblance of normalcy.
“Don’t you have studying to do?” Tex asked, pointing a tool I didn’t know the name of at my textbook.
“I am,” I said, even though I wasn’t.
“Looks more like you’re brooding,” Maverick said as he picked through his toolbox for the right size wrench. “You’re quieter than usual today.”
I shrugged. I guess I had been a little quiet all day—I was ostensibly attempting to study, but it was clear I hadn’t gotten anything done. I was distracted and tired. I hadn’t slept well the night before, and I’d been stewing over what had happened between Dante and me after the disastrous self-defense class.
I’d known I was taking a risk when I told Dante I was inexperienced. I knew that a lot of guys found it a turn-off. I’d just—I didn’t want him to be disappointed if things kept going and I didn’t exactly know what to do. Or worse, to think I didn’t want him if I got a little lost or overwhelmed. I just hadn’t expected his reaction to be so…
So much. So bad.
He’d jerked away from me like I’d burnt him.
But God, before that. His hands on my skin, his mouth devouring mine… It’d felt so good, and so all-encompassing, and it scared me how much I wanted it. How much I wanted him.
That was clearly never going to happen again, though. It was obvious that he didn’t want to mess around with someone as inexperienced as me. He’d seemed somewhere between disgusted and pitying when he looked at me after I’d told him, and my self-esteem had plummeted so fast I felt like I’d been pushed off a cliff. I’d wanted to fucking curl up and die under that expression. And now, after a sleepless night of ruminating on it, the hurt had coalesced into embarrassment, too.
What had I been thinking? Dante was tall, muscled, handsome, friendly, successful—he could probably get any guy he wanted. Why would he want to waste his time with an inexperienced scrawny guy like me? Someone he’d have to teach, and be patient with. He probably figured I was a lot more trouble than it was worth.
And how could I blame him? So far I’d caused him nothing but headaches. And yet I’d thrown myself at him anyway.
I sighed as Jonah stepped out of his office and scooped Grace out of her playpen. Grace yawned and clung to Jonah’s neck.
“You do seem a little off,” Jonah said gently as he crossed the room to lean against the desk at my side.
“Is it about yesterday?” Tex asked.
“What happened yesterday?” Maverick asked with a concerned furrow in his brow.
Tex cringed, glancing at me apologetically. I sighed again and carded my fingers through my hair. “It’s not a big deal.”
Maverick glanced between Tex and me, still not following, but curious.
I groaned, knowing that Maverick wouldn’t let it go—and that the others wouldn’t let him. “We had our self-defense class yesterday. You know how it is.”
Tex pressed his lips together.
“I don’t,” Maverick said, not unkindly.
“It’s fine.” I really wasn’t ready to talk about it. Not when I could barely get my own feelings about Dante straight in my own head, about everything that happened. “It’s just… I’m still getting used to working as Dante’s chaperone. And there was a… misunderstanding during class yesterday.”
“He mess with you?” Maverick asked a little dangerously. “Need me to teach him a lesson?”
“No, no,” I said, waving off Maverick’s half-serious offer. “It’s not like that. Just. I don’t know—”
“Need to clear the air?” Jonah asked. Grace babbled in agreement and tugged at Jonah’s hair.
“I guess so,” I said.
“Must be kind of hard to have those conversations since you’re on chaperone duty whenever he’s here,” Tex said. “You should go see him on his turf.”
Maverick nodded. “I agree—if you feel safe doing so.”
I warmed a little at Maverick’s concern, that he didn’t think I was being silly or weak for feeling intimidated—even if he didn’t know the half of it. “You think so?”