“Yeah.” I rubbed the back of my neck. I was worried that I’d fucked up too badly—that I’d scared him off for good.
“You must really like this kid,” Dad said gently.
He was right. I hadn’t felt like this for anyone in a long time. Not since my breakup with Eddy. But I wasn’t quite ready to admit that—at least, not out loud. “We just click, you know? When he opens up to me, there’s definitely something between us. And I think there’s potential for a relationship. But. On the other hand, he’s, uh, inexperienced.”
“How inexperienced?” Dad asked, eyebrows raised again.
“Very,” I said.
“But you still see potential?”
I didn’t tell Dad everything, but he knew my previous relationships had been unconventional. He knew I wanted to be with someone who wanted to give up a little bit of control to me. And he knew that was part of the reason my last relationship had ended.
“Yeah,” I said. “And even if I can make things right with him… What if it happens again? What if I’m just his practice round, and once he figures out what he wants, he drops me for someone else?”
And that was the other part of my hesitation, even though it was a new part. Heath was a virgin. He’d never been in any sexual relationship before—let alone a relationship like the one I wanted. But he was so responsive to me, and so sweet and compliant when I gave him orders, that I couldn’t shake my intuition that he’d love being mine.
But… maybe he’d love it so much that he’d start craving more—something beyond what I could give him, something rougher, harder, more intense with fewer strings attached. And he’d realize how easy it’d be to get that from other people, in certain cities, in certain clubs. The same way Eddy had.
“Don’t you think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself?” Dad asked. “I can practically see your mind running in circles from here.”
I shook myself a little. Dad was right. What was the point in worrying about that when I wasn’t even sure if Heath would even want to see me again?
“What did he say?” Dad asked. “When you scared him.”
I grimaced at the memory. He’d looked so small and sad with his arms wrapped around himself. “Nothing. He just shut down.”
“And so you left?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I figured he’d want to be alone.”
“You figured.” Dad narrowed his eyes.
I bit my lower lip. Dad was getting that look on his face like he was about to chew me out a little bit.
“Did he tell you he was scared?” Dad asked.
“Um. No?”
“You could just tell?”
“I thought so?” But fuck, Dad was right, wasn’t he? As always. I hadn’t really checked in with Heath at all. I’d just… Decided what his reaction was. I hadn’t actually asked him. I’d decided again what he needed, even after I’d tried to do the exact opposite.
“If there’s the potential that you say there is,” Dad said slowly, little teasingly, “don’t you think it might’ve not been… unwise to just walk out, when he was clearly going through something intense?”
My heart sank. I hadn’t thought about it like that, but Dad was right. I’d just assumed he wanted me gone—I hadn’t actually asked him.
What if I hadn’t scared him? What if he was just overwhelmed—after all, he’d bravely told me about his lack of experience—and I’d just left him alone to figure it out himself? What if he thought I was turned off by his virginity, or something insane like that?
I closed my eyes. So I was an asshole, and a shitty Dom.
“It sounds like it’s just a misunderstanding,” Dad said. “Pull your head out of your ass and talk to him.”
“Like it’s that easy,” I grumbled, but I knew he was right.
“It is,” Dad said with a shrug. “You’re the one making it challenging.”
“How would you know?” I argued good-naturedly. “You haven’t dated anyone in years.”
“Doesn’t mean I forgot how,” Dad shot back with a grin. “I’m too old now, anyway.”
I scoffed. “Oh, can it. You don’t look any older than me.”
“Key word there being ‘look’,” Dad said. “I feel old. My damn knees hurt standing up on this hard floor without my kitchen shoes on. Now come on, what do you need help with to finish the work for the day?”
Dad stood next to me and helped me get back to shaping the rest of the batards so they could proof slowly overnight and be ready to bake late tomorrow morning.