“And?” I asked a little too excitedly. “What have you come up with?”
One corner of his mouth curled back in a grimace. He shook his head. “Nothing. There might not be anything we can do. It happens to every Amadis son, almost naturally. Or automatically. As if it’s inevitable.”
“And you tell me not to worry.” It wasn’t a question. I crossed my arms over my chest and scowled.
“If there’s nothing we can do—”
My breath caught. I sat up and stared at him. “You’re giving up?”
“If there’s nothing we can do right now,” he continued, “worrying only takes energy from realizing the solution.”
“There must be something,” I said. “Something must cause this . . . this defection, or whatever you call it.”
“The Daemoni call the Amadis sons the ‘Summoned.’ As if they’re called over to the other side. But what they do—the Daemoni, with the boys—isn’t really forceful. Persuasive, perhaps, but not forceful. When they discover he’s gaining powers, they seek him out and explain to him what’s happening, that it’s more than normal puberty he’s going through, and tell him they can help. They tell him about the Amadis and how he’ll have no future with them but he will with the Daemoni. The ones I’ve actually witnessed . . . the boys don’t even stop to really think about it. It’s as if they were compelled. Almost like they suddenly thought they had no other future. The Daemoni was their only future.”
“Wait—did you know Noah?” I’d wanted to ask about Mom’s twin since I found out she had one, but I couldn’t bring myself to inflict the pain on Mom or Rina by bringing up his name.
Tristan’s jaw clenched, and his eyes hardened. He lay back on his pillow, not answering me.
“You did, didn’t you?” I whispered.
“I did,” he finally answered. His voice came out low, full of guilt and disgust with himself. “I was partially responsible for his summoning.”
I stared at him as the questions raced through my mind, and I debated whether to ask them. He never talked about his past life, when he was Daemoni. He probably wouldn’t answer them anyway. But he surprised me when he started telling me more.
“I created the fire, the explosion that supposedly killed him,” he said so quietly that if I had been a norm, I wouldn’t have heard him.
“But he didn’t die, right?”
“No, it was a cover. But Rina and Sophia thought he had . . .” He closed his eyes, but the grimace on his face reflected the pain in his heart. “How they can even look at me . . .”
“But they know it didn’t kill him, right? Is he still alive?”
“Yes, but that’s not the point. I—”
“They obviously forgive you, though. Tristan, I’ve told you, you need to—”
“Alexis.” He opened his eyes and turned on his side to face me. The gold flecks were dim, barely visible, the green dark and muddy. His pain silenced me. “Noah wasn’t in the bakery. I didn’t know anyone was in there. It was only supposed to look like Noah had been there when I started the fire. But . . .”
I swallowed. The one-word question came out silently. Who?
“Their father . . . Rina’s husband . . . your grandfather. He died. Because of me.”
My hand flew to my mouth. Tristan rolled over and stared at the ceiling. I didn’t have to enter his mind to know he replayed the scene. I had no idea what to say. I thought of Mom and Rina and how devastated they must have been to lose a father and a husband, a son and a brother all at once. Only the two of them left . . .
“But that’s how it’s supposed to be,” I finally said. “They’re Amadis. That’s how it is for us. The sons go to the Daemoni. The fathers, at least the Norman ones, die young. All so the daughters can come to the Amadis to serve their purpose. And, like I said, they obviously forgive you.”
“Do you see my point then? You just said it yourself.”
The sons go to the Daemoni. I did say it myself, as if it’s a given. Natural. Unchangeable.
I lay down in the crook of Tristan’s arm, my head resting in the soft space right below his shoulder. A heavy blanket of guilt and sorrow lay over us.
“They do forgive you, Tristan,” I whispered. “You have to forgive yourself.”
He didn’t answer. It wasn’t the first time I’d had to tell him this. I