I’d have to head down to the hardware store and pick out some paint. Maybe a soft yellow and spring green? I didn’t want to go with the usual so-called girl colors. She should have a rainbow to choose from.
Hmm. Rainbow walls would be cool. I wasn’t exactly sure how to paint that since my artistic talent was nil, but I supposed I could check out YouTube for ideas on that too.
I turned on the mobile and Sadie trotted over to check on Sami, nosing at her blanket as if to ensure she was properly tucked in. Sami fumbled for Sadie as she always did, and the dog laid her head on the edge of the swing as the colors in the mobile flashed and music played merrily.
I grinned as I dug out my phone from my pocket. I should show Gina—
No. You should let her be. You made your decision tonight.
But I still took the photo anyway and sent it to my dad. He usually went to bed pretty early, but I figured he could look at it when he got up.
He didn’t know what to make of being a grandfather. That was my fault entirely with my clumsy reveal. In time though, he’d grow into the role. I had faith.
I turned on the baby monitor I’d picked up a few days ago and went to my room to fiddle with the receiver. The buzz of the phone in my pocket startled me, and I answered on the second ring.
“Dad? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. You texted me, didn’t you? That baby is pretty is a picture.”
I sat on my bed. Hearing the warmth in his voice was a relief. I just didn’t want anyone else to close themselves off to her like her biological mother had done. Even knowing I’d made it harder on my dad to accept this situation didn’t lessen my worry for Samantha.
“She is. She’s smart too. She watches everything.”
“Sounds like her dad. What’s going on with you and Gina?”
“Nothing.” I shut my eyes. “Because of me.”
“Since when? Sure looked like something at dinner.”
“I’m the sheriff. It’s my number one responsibility—” I paused. “God, it’s not anymore, is it? Samantha is. The town is second.”
Wrong. The town comes after Gina, and you know it. That’s why you shoved her away.
“As it should be. That little girl needs you.” He released a breath. “I know it’s not my place to ask.”
“Go ahead. Ask anything.”
“You have good judgment, son. You always have. Why would you pick someone like that? A woman who would abandon her own child.”
I’d been waiting for this very question. “We both did,” I said softly.
I didn’t want to wound him. That was the last thing I wanted. But somehow I’d repeated a pattern, even without intending for the experience to be anything other than fleeting.
“Your mother wasn’t like that when we met. She changed, Jared. I know you’ll never believe it, but I knew her, inside and out, and she changed. The woman I fell in love with could’ve never left her babies.”
I didn’t argue. How could I? If he hadn’t changed his mind in this many years, he wasn’t going to. And I wasn’t exactly an expert on love or anything else.
Tonight had proved that. Not that I was in love with Gina.
I didn’t know how to be.
“Samantha’s mother was a lost weekend. That’s all. I was running away from dealing with…other things and aimed at her instead. It was just fun and meaningless.”
“Not meaningless,” he said lightly.
“No. Not at all.” I laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Earlier, I’d imagined this evening would end very differently. “What kind of flowers say ‘I’m sorry but I don’t deserve you so you should probably try again with someone else, even if it kills me’?”
“Hmm. You’ve stumped me.”
I frowned. “You know every single flower. There has to be one.”
He thought for a moment. “White orchids. They’re probably perfect for Gina.”
“You think so?”
“Best guess. What happened? You seemed quite cozy at dinner.”
“I just keep fucking…fudging up,” I amended over my dad’s low laughter.
He never corrected me, but I just couldn’t swear around my dad. He was this gentle soul, and I was coarse and stubborn and rough around the edges.
And Gina appreciates you just the way you are.
“We’ve been close for so long, and nothing ever changed. Some part of me liked the constancy of that, even if there were things I wanted to happen.”