Frustration bunched all the muscles in my shoulders again. “Why is that so hard to imagine?”
“It’s not. I feel like her mother.”
I grabbed her hands in both of mine. “Then what’s the problem?”
Finally, she looked up. “Is that all I am?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you see me, is that all I am? Just the woman that conveniently fits into your checkboxes?”
“What? No.”
“Aren’t I though?” She pushed back and tried to untangle our fingers. “You keep talking about us like we’re a forgone conclusion, but nowhere in there have you actually seen me. A woman who deserves to be loved. Not just a mother to your child.”
“What?” Panic clawed up my throat. “It’s not like that.”
“And you keep talking about a future together when we haven’t even had a present. We raced past all of it. Do you know we haven’t even had a normal date?”
“We tried to, but then the tree lighting thing kind of got pushed aside for a near concussion.”
“That wasn’t our date, you jerk.” She stood up and I had to let her hand free. “I had a date with Caleb because he saw me. Wanted to go out with me.”
“The hell with that. He doesn’t know you. He doesn’t deserve you.”
“Oh, and you do?”
“No. I don’t deserve you, dammit.” I slid my hand around her waist.
She pushed me away. “It’s not just that. In all the future plans you have, you keep talking about a baby, more kids, a family for Sami.”
“Of course. I want a family with you.”
“But what if I can’t have one?” Her eyes were wild and brimming with tears.
“What does that mean?” My stomach pitched. This seemed way bigger than just my forgetting to romance my best friend.
“I’ve had a lot of female problems over the years.”
I frowned, but I didn’t interrupt her.
“I don’t want to give you a lesson in the female reproductive system, but in layman’s terms, I might not be able to have kids.”
“Oh, Bee.” I went to her again, but this time, I wouldn’t let her push me away. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”
Misery etched her face, and her tears flowed unchecked. “Just stop.”
“No, I won’t stop. You’re all I want, Bee. All I’ve ever wanted.”
A sob broke from her, but she didn’t nudge me away.
“I’ve never been a guy who wanted a family. I came from a pretty fucked-up one. You know that. My dad did the best he could, but I always figured I wasn’t meant for it.” I cupped her face. “Then I met you.” I thumbed away her tears. “I was too afraid to screw us up. I settled for friends because then I knew you’d never leave me.”
“Jared.”
My eyes stung, but I kept going. “You have to believe me. You’re who I want to be a better man for. I love you, Bee. The way you are with my baby only emphasizes that love.” I lowered my mouth to hers for a soft kiss. “You fit me. We fit with Sami and Sadie and make a perfect family. I don’t need anything or anyone else.”
“What if you want more kids someday? I can’t keep you from that.” Before I could answer her, she shook her head. “I know you. You always do the right thing. You’d stay with me even if you weren’t happy.”
“I don’t want more kids unless they’re yours, or if we decided to adopt one day. That would be okay too. Someday. It doesn’t have to be this year or five years from now. All that matters is you’re with me.”
“How can you know that?”
“Because it’s always been about you. Just you, Bee. I wish you knew that.”
She shut her eyes, but the tears kept flowing. She wrapped an arm around my neck. “I love you too.”
I crushed her to me. I knew in my heart she loved me. She showed me every day, but the words washed out the last of the nerves. “I wish you’d told me all this sooner, Bee. I never would have let you suffer thinking you were worth any less. You’re so much more than that.”
“Yeah, well, we haven’t been very good at talking.”
I wrapped my arms around her waist. “That’s true. But I promise I’ll woo you.”
“Woo me?” She cocked her head. “Do you even know how to do that?”
“I can learn. There’s YouTube and my friends. They managed to marry very nice women. Well, except John. His woman is kinda mean, but she grows on you.”