it was too late. I liked saying his name and how it flowed in my mouth like honey. For that matter, I liked looking at him.
He was standing so straight, coiled tight, that I wondered if he ever relaxed. Which led to an immediate and improper vision of all the things I could do to him to make him relax. It made all of me tense, from my shoulders to my balls, heat zinging through me.
Jesus, what was wrong with me? How could my brain even make these types of connections when it was so frazzled and short-circuiting due to sleeplessness? My daughter was a work of art and already a hot mess. Giuliana had managed to poop out of her diaper the minute after I’d gotten her ready for her check-up. Instead of being able to clean myself up and try to appear like I had it together, I’d rushed to get her washed and changed again, and had barely made it out the door in time.
Parenting was supposed to be hard. But I didn’t think it was supposed to feel so… fucking impossible. At least Javi had promised no more parties. He was respectful, trying to be a good neighbor, and I needed to focus on that and carve out any other thoughts about him.
But there was a silence stretching between us that threatened to turn into something else. It could be weird, but instead it felt elastic, as if Javi and I were a rubber band, stretching apart as far as we could and threatening to either break or snap back at any minute.
I resisted both endings, not wanting to lose the fragile new peace between us—but I couldn’t let it become anything more, either. Not that it was guaranteed, really. I was a total mess and the feelings of attraction could totally be one-sided, because it didn’t seem possible that he could find me as attractive as I found him. The idea had probably never even crossed his mind, while I’d be worrying at it for hours. Fuck. What had I gotten myself into?
Javi still hadn’t said anything more, either. He just stared, running a hand through his short black curls and mussing them in a tantalizing way.
I chewed on my lip, unsure. He opened his mouth. Then closed it.
He frowned, his breath hitched like he wanted to say something else, to break the hold that we both were in, but he didn’t. Instead, he launched himself down the front steps of my home and hurried across our yards to his house.
As I watched him go, I couldn’t help but admire his ass, which filled his tight jeans, looking taut and perfectly grabbable. Bitable, even. The tangle of desire that had formed in me cranked up at the sight, my cock semi-hard as my dark and handsome neighbor disappeared into his house. It had been so long since I’d reacted this way to a man. What a complete fucking disaster.
On the one hand, it felt nice to want. I felt reminded of the way I’d been before the divorce and becoming a single father, someone with cravings and desires and the courage to quench them. Javi wasn’t my usual type—I generally preferred more clean-cut, someone with tailored suits and a refined style. But that didn’t make him any less sexy, with tattoos that begged for fingers and tongue to trace them and a reluctant smile someone like me would become desperate to earn.
On the other hand...well, Giuliana was on the other hand. Quite literally at the moment, as her wiggling grabbed my attention. She was my world, and whether I wanted to feel desire or be desired was irrelevant. I’d made my choice to stick with her and be the best dad I could be after Kyle took off. Nowhere in the job description I’d created for myself was there a place for dating.
Speaking of, Giuliana’s catnap was clearly over, and I knew she’d be working up her best banshee scream. It was past time for a bottle, anyway. It wasn’t as exciting as talking to a sexy neighbor, but her small, angry face completed me in a way I’d never imagined possible.
Besides, between taking care of her and the burn from the divorce that still made my heart ache on occasion, I wouldn’t be dating anytime soon. As much as Javi’s quiet, mysterious ways and lean body appeal to me, there was too much on my plate to add a helping of hunk on the