“May I hold Giuliana?” Dana asked, holding her hands out. I passed her over.
Gordo seemed a bit guarded, his shoulders tensed and his jaw clenched as he escaped us. I didn’t think it was due to Dana and Mason’s teasing, either.
“Is he okay?” I asked Mason.
His brother’s eyebrows were knit together. “He will be. Come with me, and we’ll make sure he knows he isn’t allowed to be in a funk tonight.”
Gordo’s shoulders tensed further when we stepped up to him, but Mason didn’t let it hold him back.
“You pissed about dad? I did invite him,” Mason said, “but he refused it. Like the asshole he continues to be.”
I stayed close, absorbing this news. Because I didn’t have a traditional family of my own, it hadn’t crossed my mind that his dad’s absence might mean something. Gordo didn’t say anything. He looked at the hamburgers as if daring them to cross him, like he was prepared to cage match with meat patties. I reached out and stroked his arm.
“I’m sorry,” I said, not fully sure of the entirety of the situation, but knowing I hated seeing him upset like this.
Gordo set down the spatula and took a moment to press his palms into his eyes. When his hands dropped, he turned to face us. His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I know I shouldn’t be surprised that Dad refused to come. I mean, he hasn’t spoken to me since I came out. But I guess I’d built up a small fantasy that he would arrive, and see Giuliana and how perfect she is, and it would help him overcome his homophobia.”
There was a tug in my chest. Oh, Gordo. Without words, I embraced him, making sure he felt the love pouring out of me. There are very few benefits to being raised in the system. But when I’d come out, I hadn’t had anything—anyone—to lose. It had been a relatively easy process for me. But I did know what it felt like to have a parent choose to leave you. It was a wound that could be repaired, but the scar left behind would always be ugly and raised. Noticeable.
“You are surrounded by love,” Mason said. “Look at all of these people! You’ve got a house and yard filled with family. Dad’s losing so, so much by choosing to stay in his ignorance.”
I released Gordo and he struggled to give us a half-smile. “Yeah, I know. I know, really. But he’s my father, and that fact doesn’t change. I want to not care, and I do feel supported and loved. I just think some part of me will always want his support and his love, you know?”
At that moment, a woman’s voice crooned, “Oh, there you are, Gordo!”
She was short and petite, with hair long gone silver, and I could see a lot of Gordo and Mason in her face.
“My name is Phoebe,” she said, extending her hand. “It’s so nice to put a face with a name, Javi.” When I took her hand, she squeezed it to make sure I could feel she meant it. “You seem like a lovely young man.”
With all of my tattoos and Latino heritage, “lovely” wasn’t a word I’d often heard used to describe me, especially from people like Phoebe. But when she said it, I believed her. Gordo’s dad might be an asshole, but the rest of his family seemed to more than make up for it.
“Hey, food’s gonna be ready in five,” Gordo said. “Javi, why don’t you round up your crew and introduce them to everyone, while wrangling them in to prepare their plates?”
Then he pecked me on the cheek, and I didn’t miss how his mom beamed with pleasure. When I stepped away, I did so feeling as light as air.
As I made my way around, I found Giuliana back in my arms. Dana commented on how Giuliana got fussy quickly with anyone else, and my heart seemed to grow tenfold knowing that Giuliana seemed to adore me as much as I loved her. It validated me in ways that few things could, because here was a tiny person who loved me just the way I was.
It seemed that almost everyone had arrived as Giuliana and I mingled. All that was missing was my best friend, until Dane finally showed up. When he came over to us, though, he was by himself. I hadn’t seen him without Christian in weeks.