insisted when I said nothing. “I was a mess, and you were amazing.”
“Apology accepted.” I knew I sounded blunt, but I wanted to get away while I still had the strength to. Before he managed to sneak past the maelstrom of emotions and make a place close to my heart again.
Gordo frowned. “Let me take you out for a drink as a thank you.”
“Now is not a good t-t-time.” For so many reasons, Gordo. Let me save us both from where this could go. Let me focus on something I can do to help instead of something I could ruin.
“Later? You could drop by after Giuliana’s bedtime? Just tell me what you like to drink and I’ll have it. It would make me feel better if I could get you a thank-you gift.”
I chewed on my lip for a fraction of a second. So help me, it was tempting. Gordo was in another button-down shirt, navy, and there was a peek of pectoral muscle from the open collar. Perfect for biting. Gordo’s chocolate eyes were filled with sincerity, and when he smiled, my knees felt weak.
He was so good at apologizing when he’d done something wrong. It was a skill I’d rarely come across in my life. And it helped to know he wanted to make things better, that maybe he thought we could be something more if we worked at it.
But what if I was too fragile for him? Now that he was getting more and more of my past, what if he got tired of having to apologize? I wasn’t sure if I could trust that our attraction was enough. Because goddamn, it was strong, the tug between us. But I had no experience in making a tug turn into something more binding. My want for more scared the shit out of me.
“I hope Giuliana is d-doing better. I have to g-g-go.”
It didn’t count as running if I was shielding us both… right?
13
Gordo
“I am not getting drunk this time,” I told Christian as he slid the pitcher of beer toward me. “That ended in disaster last time.”
We were back at the bar, and lucky enough to have snagged a booth with some semblance of privacy. It was only the second time I’d been out without Giuliana, and despite weeks having passed since my horrifying pukesplosion on Javi, it was hard to be comfortable at the bar again. It held too many awful half-memories, and I still couldn’t help worrying about Giuliana when I wasn’t with her.
“No problem. We’re not here to get you drunk. But damn, Gordo, you have to make time for yourself.” Chris poured us both a pint and sat back. He was in pressed slacks and a fitted polo shirt that showed off his toned physique, whereas I was in jeans and an old band t-shirt. It had holes from years of wear, and I knew I looked sloppy.
Good. I wasn’t interested in looking appealing for anyone.
“Are you reading my mind? I was just sitting here, stewing in my guilt for leaving Giuliana for a few hours. You know, healthy emotional shit.” I took a sip of the beer.
There was no denying that it felt good to drink something alcoholic without being paranoid that I wouldn’t be able to take care of Giuliana. She was safe with Mason and Dana. Or at least, that’s what I planned on repeating that to myself every time I wanted to grab my keys and go get her.
Christian smiled. “You’ve been a dad for a couple of months now, Gordo. It’s okay to let other people help. Besides, Mason adores your daughter, and Dana couldn’t be more infatuated. I’d bet money they start trying for a baby of their own soon, after spending time with Giuliana.”
I doubted it. Mason’s job was a big concern for him. I knew he was torn about having kids, and Dana was still young, not even thirty. But it did help me relax a bit knowing how much they loved to watch my daughter.
“No, you’re right. And I’m glad to get a chance to catch up with you.” My eyes drifted to the bar where I’d seen Javi all those weeks ago. A different kind of guilt wound its way into my gut, and the beer suddenly tasted acrid and stale.
My best friend knew me too well. “You aren’t stewing in guilt over just your kid, are you?”
I sighed and played with the condensation forming on my glass. “No. I screwed up with Javi.