combined with my frazzled nerves from the shop, I wasn’t able to stop them from tumbling out.
I loved kids. I may not have always liked the foster parents who took me in, but their other children—biological or otherwise—were often spots of joy in a dark time in my life. There was a calming and euphoric feeling that came from being able to care for someone who couldn’t care for themselves. I liked making sure that those kids knew they were wanted.
Even if I wasn’t.
Once the bottles were in the sanitizer, I paused, only to hear the bath running and Giuliana’s still-constant screams. Apparently the change had gotten messier than Gordo had anticipated.
Which meant I could help more. I peered in all of the cabinets to get the lay of the land then got to work, putting away the groceries. By the time the counters were empty and wiped down, the sanitizer had finished.
It took no time to make a bottle, shaking the warm water and formula to mix it. I was just getting it set up next to a clean burp cloth I’d found in the diaper bag Gordo had deposited in the hall when Gordo slumped down the stairs, a clean and newly dressed baby in his arms. She was still crying, hiccups of rage mixed in, and Gordo’s face was a mask of exhaustion and despair.
Until he saw the clean kitchen, and me with the bottle and cloth at the ready.
“Are you serious?” he asked in wonder.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Instead, I pointed to the bottle, and then to Giuliana, miming that I could feed her. Immediately I wished I hadn’t—if he said no, I’d be so embarrassed. Just because I’d been daydreaming about the closeness of a family, had been mourning the lack of someone like him in my life, didn’t mean I could just reach out and take someone else’s happy life.
Had I been too presumptive? Gordo looked like he wasn’t sure. I hoped to hell it was a protectiveness for his daughter and not because I looked like an untrustworthy thug.
But eventually he handed her over, slow and over-careful. “This is Giuliana,” he said as he put the red-faced, angry bundle of beauty into my arms.
It was love at first touch. She was a beautiful baby. Sweet. She had her daddy’s dark hair, and her infant-blue eyes were beginning to darken. They’d probably be the same rich brown as Gordo soon.
I cradled her close, a smile blooming on my face.
It was easy to balance the bottle and cloth and find a seat. Giuliana was settled in the crook of my elbow and accepted the bottle eagerly. Those large baby eyes closed in ecstatic joy as she hungrily latched onto the nipple. Gordo stood where he’d been when he handed her over, his face a picture of incredulity.
“That’s it, you’re staying for dinner, and if you say no, I will be very upset,” Gordo announced, still watching us.
I didn’t say no. I didn’t want to say no.
Eventually he stepped into the kitchen. I could hear the pots and pans clanging as he moved with efficiency, but none of that mattered. Giuliana had all of my attention. My chest ached as I held her, the moment close to perfection. This was what all kids deserved. A warm home, food, loving parents who would do anything for them.
It was what I’d never had, but I was thankful to be a part of it for her, even if it was just for this moment.
By the time dinner was on the table, Giuliana was content to lie on a mat and grab at giant, colorful toys.
“You’re good with her,” Gordo said as we sat down.
“She’s easy to be g-good with,” I replied.
Holding Giuliana had relaxed me enough that my stutter wasn’t as demanding now, but I was still a bit nervous, especially after everything that had happened at Get Ink’d earlier. It felt odd to be there, in Gordo’s house and with a family like I’d been longing for on my drive home, even if they weren’t actually my family. This was what I’d wanted, right? To not be alone? I wished the jangled nerves in my stomach would agree.
Thankfully, the food Gordo had prepared was amazing: a seared pork chop with a shallot and apple gravy smothering it. Green beans with butter and garlic were on the side, cooked to crisp and juicy perfection.
“Tell me more about the relay race,” Gordo said as we ate, after